--------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi everyone! This is my first MiSTing, and I would appreciate comments. It's a YAGRQS (Yet Another Get Rich Quick Scheme). Send Mail to: dhines@kruncher.ptloma.edu Visit my homepage at http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/2754 A word beforehand. I haven't seen too many of the episodes, as my cable provider doesn't have Comedy Channel (which may be a good thing except for missing MST3K from what I'm hearing). Luckily, they do get Sci Fi channel. All of the episodes that I've seen have been Joel episodes with poor reception on a UHF station Sunday Nights at 11pm- 12am (MST Hour). However, I've read a lot of MiSTings, and will try one with Mike. Notice that Mike does do an invention exchange, and TV's Frank is present, so this MiSTing is considered to take place within a short time after Mike's arrival. Dave "No, I'm not the guy who did Enterprized" Hines Special thanks to K. Pelletier for proofreading... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Yet another average day on the SoL. Crow and Tom Servo are in the background debating while Mike addresses us.] MIKE: Hello everyone, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. We were just discussing which two shows would make the worst fanfic. CROW: There's no discussion necessary. Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek... There would just be no way the Cylon-packed BG universe and the ST universe could interact... TOM: But they're still both sci-fi! It would be something more along the lines of a Sliders-Dukes of Hazzard crossover... MIKE: Couldn't the Sliders somehow make their way to Georgia or the Dukes come to San Francisco? And you'd have a plot point with the possibility of Rembrandt being annoyed at the General Lee having the Confederate flag painted on... How about Gilligan's Island-Home Improvement? TOM: Ack! That is bad! But how about a Simpsons-Highlander crossover? There can be only one... eat my shorts! CROW: NO!!!!! NO MORE HIGHLANDER CROSSOVERS!!!!!!! Um... Sesame Street-NYPD Blue? MIKE: Now really, Crow... (Mads' signal light flashes) Uh oh.. it's the Pirate King and the Major General... we'll continue this later, just don't give them any ideas! (presses button) Hello, Sirs! [D13] DR. FORRESTER: Hello, Mikhail... a little discussion of what future experiments might be like? [SoL] MIKE: How did you know? CROW: Um... Mike... we forgot to tell you... there's hidden mikes all over the satellite... MIKE: D'oh! TOM: Hey, that's my line! [D13] FORRESTER: While I ponder these brilliant suggestions, why don't you do your half of the invention exchange? [SoL] MIKE: OK... Don't you hate when those cute high school and college couples decide to repeatedly show their love for each other in public by holding or kissing each other? 'BOTS: (in unison) Sure... we all do! MIKE: Well, that's what this little device is for (lifts up what looks like a tranquilizer gun). This fires a special device into each of the loving couple that gives them an electric shock should they attempt to swap spit in a public environment, thus stopping PDA by the scientifically proven concept of negative reinforcement! Here, let me demonstrate... Gypsy, could you come in here, please? GYPSY: Sure thing, Mike! (enters) TOM: Oh, Mike, you're not... (Mike loads one cartridge into the gun and fires at Crow) CROW: Ow! (Mike loads another cartridge and fires at Gypsy) GYPSY: Ouch! MIKE: Now, Crow, try to touch Gypsy... CROW: Alright... (puts an arm around Gypsy.. a ZAP sound is heard) OUCH! GYPSY: OW! MIKE: You see, anytime Crow and Gypsy attempt to touch each other, they will get zapped. TOM: You're a lonely man, aren't you Nelson? MIKE: What do you think, sirs? [D13] FORRESTER: Interesting to imagine us on different sides than what you'd normally expect us, but my invention works on creating love instead of destroying it. Again, we work on the same concept of reinforcement. Frank, put on this headband... FRANK: (putting on the headband) Do I get some Ray Bans too? FORRESTER: Frank! Don't make me bring out the poodles of death again! FRANK: (abashed) I'll be good... (as Frank submits to Dr. Forrester, a green light activates on the headband and he smiles vacantly.) FORRESTER: You see, every time Frank does my bidding, he will receive a pleasant electrical sensation to the pleasure centers of his feeble brain. [SoL] TOM: Didn't Orwell mention something about this? [D13] FORRESTER: Still need to get a few of the kinks worked out, though, before I can use it to take over the world... FRANK: May I dust your computer keyboard for you, Dr. Forrester, sir? FORRESTER: Sure, Frank, go right ahead... (The light activates and Frank smiles. )Anyway, your experiment today... whether or not you choose to accept it is a little piece of Get Rich Quick net spam that a Robert Grevera decided to share with all of us for some demented reason. Enjoy! (Lights and sirens go off as Frank falls down) [SoL] (Different Lights and Sirens go off) MIKE: WE'VE GOT NET SPAM SIGN!!!!!!! [Door Sequence...6...5...4...3...2...1...Theatre. Mike and the 'bots take their customary seats.] >Subject: Need a LOT OF CASH, FAST? Play this WIN-WIN GAME. You CAN'T >LOSE! TOM: Get Rich Quick schemes... the only winning move is not to play... >Date: Wed, 03 Jul 1996 19:12:23 -0400 >From: robert grevera MIKE:(Ernie Voice): Hey, Bert! >Organization: epix.net >Newsgroups: >rec.games.trading-cards.marketplace.magic.auctions, >rec.games.trading-cards.marketplace.magic.sales, >rec.games.trading-cards.marketplace.magic.trades, >rec.games.trading-cards.marketplace.misc, >rec.games.trading-cards.misc, >rec.games.trading-cards.startrek, rec.games.trivia, >rec.games.vectrex, rec.games.video.3do, rec.games.video.advocacy, >rec.games.video.arcade, rec.games.video.arcade.collecting, >rec.games.video.atari, rec.games.video.cd-i, rec.games.video.cd32 CROW: Did this guy just post this to every newsgroup out there? None of these boards have anything to do with getting rich quick! MIKE: I think it's here just to fool the potential reader into thinking this is a message about games. >References: 1 > > You can't lose because you're not competing against anyone. TOM: It would stand to reason that you can't win either, then... > Everybody wins because the game is played by working together > for the mutual benefit of all participants! ALL: Join us! > This is the greatest > game ever! CROW: Getting to decide who lives and who dies? I already called dibs... > You get a whole lot just by giving a little bit-- MIKE: So adopt a child for the cost of a cup of coffee a day... CROW: Wrong get rich quick scheme, Nelson... MIKE: Hey, some of them are legit... I think... > five bucks! And you don't have to sell anything, call anyone, or > make a fool of yourself. TOM: You do, however, expose yourself to public shame and ridicule by posting net-spam in offtopic newsgroups. CROW: Is there an appropriate group for this kind of stuff? MIKE: Well, there are masochists out there, you know... > This is too much fun. We're all havin' a > ball! Join in on the fun and make a lot of money at the same time! ALL: (deadpan) Rah. > Hello! ALL: YAAAHHHH!!!!! TOM: Don't do that! > I've got some awesome news that I think you need to take > two minutes to read MIKE: Well, what about people who read really slowly? Don't they get to be taken too? CROW: I hate prejudiced swindlers... > if you have ever thought "How could I make > some serious cash in a hurry???" , or been in serious debt, TOM: Those of you in light-hearted, whimsical debt may skip this message. CROW: I'm not in any debt whatsoever, and I can't skip this message! > ready > to do almost anything to get the money needed to pay off those > bill collectors. So grab a snack, a warm cup of coffee, or a glass > of your favorite beverage, get comfortable and listen to this > interesting, fun, and exciting idea! CROW: Then realize that your computer is not equipped with a speech synthesizer, and read the junk mail instead... > (If you're reading this on-line, I suggest that you quickly > download it to your hard drive FIRST, just in case some do-gooder > takes it off the news board. You can always read it with a text > editor or word processor) MIKE: Most people who have earned the name of "do-gooder" usually do so by performing some sort of public service. This certainly qualifies. TOM: This guy is just begging for some computer novice to claim that this ad is a virus that wiped out his hard drive and sue. CROW: ... and the novice wouldn't be far off... > Let me start by saying that I FINALLY FOUND IT! MIKE: Eureka! CROW: Well, you don't smell so good yourself, Nelson! > That's right! > I found it! And I HATE GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEMES!! TOM: But for some unexplained reason, I love subjecting others to what I hate... > I hate those > schemes like multi-level marketing, mail-order schemes, envelope > stuffing scams, 900 number scams... the list goes on forever. MIKE: I hope not. Dr. Forrester will make us watch all of them... 'BOTS: (shudder) > I > have tried every darn get rich quick scheme out there over the > past 12 years. TOM: Twelve years to realize that get rich quick schemes were phony?! CROW: This guy is as dumb as a mime convention. > I somehow got on mailing lists for people looking > to make money (more like 'desperate stupid people who will try > anything for money!'). MIKE: Well, if you'd stop posting net spam, then maybe people wouldn't seek revenge by putting you on those lists. CROW: Great idea, Mike! MIKE: No, Crow... CROW: Awww.... > Well, when I was a teenager, these > claims to 'get me rich quick' sounded irresistible! TOM: Much easier than finding a job... especially after I dropped out! > I would shell > out $14.95 here, $29.95 there, $24.95 here, and another $49.95 > there. ALL: (singing) Old MacDonald had a farm, EIEIO!!!! > I had maxed out my new Circuit City Card AND my Visa...I > was desperate for money!! MIKE: How do you use a Circuit City card to invest in these scams? > So, I gave them all a chance but > failed at every one of them! CROW: (singing) I'm a loser, baby.... > Maybe they worked for some people, > but not for me. TOM: I thought this guy had finally wised up enough not to fall for these! > Eventually, I just tossed that JUNK MAIL in the > trash when I got the mail. I recognized it right away. I can > smell a money scam from a mile away these days, SO I THOUGHT.... > I thought I could sniff out a scam easily. WAS I WRONG!! CROW: I fell for this one hook, line and sinker... > ...I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!... CROW: Robert needs to get out more... TOM: (childish voice) If you love it, why don't you marry it? MIKE: I'm surprised that no one has tried that yet... especially in California... > I was scanning thru a NEWSGROUP and saw an article stating to > GET CASH FAST!! MIKE: No need to shout... TOM: Actually, that sentence could be parsed as the article stated its mindless dribble in order to get cash fast from gullible folk on the newsgroup. Ironically close to the truth there... > I thought..."Here on the Internet?? Well, I'll > just have to see what schemes could possibly be on the internet." CROW: (Joker voice) Wait'll they get a load of me! > The article described a way to MAIL A ONE DOLLAR BILL TO ONLY > FIVE PEOPLE AND MAKE $50,000 IN CASH WITHIN 4 WEEKS! TOM: How can you mail one 1 dollar bill to 5 people? MIKE: That's it.. I call no more grammar flames... TOM: Aww.... > Well, CROW: A deep subject... > the more I thought about it, the more I became very curious. Why? MIKE: Because we love you! CROW: Fanboy... > Because of the way it worked AND BECAUSE IT WOULD ONLY COST ME > FIVE DOLLARS (AND FIVE STAMPS), THAT'S ALL I EVER PAY....EVER!! MIKE: He's shouting again... TOM: Well, what about five envelopes? What about enough pen ink or pencil graphite for the five letters? Should he get insurance due to the fact that he's sending cash through the mail? > And I don't have to sell anything or call up all the people I've > ever known to try to get them in on some scam. CROW: No, you write them, like you just said... TOM: Even Beavis & Butt-Head would have an attention span long enough to catch that one... > Ok, so the $50,000 in cash was maybe a tough amount to reach, MIKE: Listen carefully, boys, this is the sound of furious backpedaling... CROW: Oooh... TOM: Ahh.... > but it was possible. I knew that I could at least get a return > of $1,000 or so. TOM: How did you know this? You have to had either doubted the plan like any sane person would do or fell for it completely? There is no middle ground! > So I did it!! CROW: (as deep voiced reporter) ...and so the investigation into the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman ended with Robert Grevera's admission of guilt. MIKE: He was imprisoned for 25 years for the double murder, but sent to the chair for the net spam. > As per the instructions in the > article, I mailed out ('snail mail' for you e-mail fanatics) a > single dollar bill to each of the five people on the list that > was contained in the article. I included a small note, with the > dollar, that stated "Please Add Me To Your List." MIKE: My name is Paddle-to-the-Sea. Please put me back in the water. TOM: What does that have to do with this? MIKE: Both get soaked. > I then removed > the first position name of the five names listed and moved > everyone up one position, and I put my name in position five of > the list. CROW: (as Mirror-Chekov) Now you die, Keptin, and we all move up in rank! > This is how the money starts rolling in! I then took > this revised article now with my name on the list and REPOSTED IT > ON AS MANY NEWSGROUPS AND LOCAL BULLETIN BOARD MESSAGE AREAS THAT > I KNEW. I then waited to watch the money come in...prepared to > maybe receive about $1000 to $1500 in cash or so.... TOM: After about a month I received 54 hate EMails, 29 official complaints, and was kicked out of 12 boards, and denied access to 21 newsgroups. > But what a welcome surprise when those envelopes kept coming in! > I knew what they were as soon as I saw the return addresses from > people all over the world-Most from the U.S., but some from Canada, > even some from Australia! I tell ya, THAT WAS EXCITING!! So how > much did I get in total return? $1000? $5000? Not even close!!! I > received a total of $23,343!!! I couldn't believe it!! MIKE: He counted twenty three thousand, three hundred and forty three one dollar bills?! CROW: Robert *definitely* needs to get out more. > I now drive about in a brand new black Acura Integra, due > to this!! And I'm sending this message from a screamin' 166MHz > Pentium with 32Mb RAM and a 2Gb Hard Drive! CROW: But I have to logoff soon... the library has a limit of 15 minutes of computer time to a patron, and I have to get back to the car rental place.. > Now, after almost 8 > months, I am ready to do it again!!! MIKE: The only believable part in this whole thing is that this guy could squander $23,000 in 8 months... > So maybe it WAS possible > to get $50,000 in cash, I don't know, but IT COMPLETELY DEPENDS > ON YOU, THE INDIVIDUAL! CROW: (baseball announcer)... And Grevera is back... way back to the warning track, but that suspension of disbelief is outta there!! > You must follow through and repost this > article everywhere you can think of! The more postings you > achieve will determine how much cash will arrive in your very own > mailbox!! IT'S JUST TOO EASY TO PASS UP! IT'S FANTASTIC!!! TOM: But by doing this, he's saturating the market and necessarily preventing his so-called customers from entering the so-called market. (Tom begins to shake) MIKE: OK, I think Servo's had enough for right now... let's get out of here. [All exit theatre... 1...2...3...4...5...6...SoL Control Room] TOM: I don't understand it, Mike. I mean, this isn't the first time I've seen this scam. (Mike nods understandingly) By now, people can't be so desperate that they're willing to believe each of these spams they see. CROW: Yeah, Mike, and besides, most truly poor people don't have Internet access, and they'd be the main ones desperate enough to try a scam like this. MIKE: Well, you see, there is a small percentage of the Internet quote/unquote population that is truly stupid. Hence the "This newsgroup stinks" or "[CENSORED] all of you" posts that occasionally pop up everywhere. Robert and his ilk are simply trying to prey on this element of stupidity. It's all very Darwinian. TOM: I get it! By blowing their money on this scam, the super-stupid will soon lose their computers and leave the rest of the 'netters alone, and everyone will live happily ever after. CROW: Hold it, Nelson! It works on paper, but you forget one thing: there are always more idiots popping onto the net. It's a vicious cycle. MIKE: Well, Crow, life's a vicious cycle. We just dredge through the groups, or what Dr. Forrester sends us, as best we can and all we can do is... 'BOTS: (in unison) Riff? MIKE: Yes. [Lights and sirens go off] ALL: WE'VE GOT NET SPAM SIGN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! [Theatre Entry Sequence...6...5...4...3...2...1...Theatre] MIKE: Feeling better, Tom? TOM: Yeah. Thanks, Mike. > Let's review the reasons why you should do this: MIKE: Quickfire! TOM: You're desperate. CROW: You're a little dim. MIKE: You have no life. TOM: You have a masochism complex. CROW: You like to see creative hate-mail. MIKE: And, of course... one always goes to the Magic: The Gathering and Star Trek: Customizable Card Game subs to find out quick ways to get rich, and not to actually talk about the card game! > The only > cost factors are for the five stamps, the 5 envelopes and the 5 > one dollar bills that you send out to the listed names by snail > mail (US Postal Service Mail). TOM: I pointed out earlier that THERE ARE MORE! MIKE: Take it easy, Tom, Robert can't hear us. CROW: If there's a supreme justice in the universe, Robert will one day hear us. > Then just simply repost the > article (WITH YOUR NAME ADDED) to all the newsgroups and local > BBS's you can. Then sit back and, (ironically), enjoy walking > (you can run if you like! :o ) CROW: After you do this, you'll have to run. TOM: Is that the Home Alone hands-to-face thing Robert is attempting there? > down your driveway to your > mailbox and scoop up your rewards!! CROW: Actually, rewards for this type of thing are scooped up from your litterbox. > We all have five dollars to > put into such an easy effortless investment with SPECTACULAR > REALISTIC RETURNS OF $15,000 to $25,000 in about 3-5 weeks! TOM: I don't. CROW: Me either. MIKE: I do, but mail pickup hardly ever comes to the Satellite. CROW: Can I borrow some money, Mike? MIKE: What do you plan to do with it from here, exactly? CROW: Um... never mind... > So > hold off on those lottery tickets for today, MIKE: The lottery has better odds... > eat at > home tonight instead of takeout from McDonalds and > invest FIVE dollars in this amazing money making system > NOW!!! YOU CAN'T LOSE!! CROW: Sure I can, the Grevera system makes it easy! > So how do you do it exactly, you ask? I have carefully > provided the most detailed, yet straightforward instructions on > how to easily get this underway and get your cash on its way. > SO, ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME CASH!!!?? HERE WE GO!!! MIKE: Wait a second... I have to go to the bathroom first... TOM: I thought you said he couldn't hear us, Mike... MIKE: It was worth a shot... > *** THE LIST OF NAMES IS AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE. *** > > OK, READ THIS CAREFULLY. Get a printout of this information, > if you like, so you can easily refer to it as often as needed. > (Not that it's difficult or anything.) CROW: (as Grevera) But if you've gotten this far, you obviously have a memory span as long as an average sitcom. TOM: Life is always a surprise when you can't remember yesterday... > ****************************************************************** MIKE: Abandon all hope, all ye who cross here. > INSTRUCTIONS: > > 1. Take a sheet of paper and write on it the following: CROW: "Bite me, Grevera". > "Please add > my name to your list". TOM: (singing) Because your kiss is on my list... when you turn out the light... > This creates a service out of this money > making system and thus making it completely legal. MIKE: Service to who is carefully unspecified. TOM: So these 5 jokers not only scam you out of 5 dollars, they can sell your name to mailing list companies, and get more out of you. Great... CROW: Hey, Robert forgot those random legal code numbers to give to the IRS and/or post office when they come to arrest you! > You are not just > randomly sending a dollar to someone, you are paying one dollar for > a legitimate service. CROW: Moron testing service... yep, you are a moron. > Make sure you include your name and address. > I assure you that, again, this is completely legal! MIKE: Robert is getting pretty testy on this point, isn't he? > For a neat > little twist, TOM: ... add some dry vermouth... > also write what slot their name was in: "You were in > slot 3", Just to add a little fun! MIKE: You were in slot 3, but I did the logical thing and replaced all those addresses with those of my friends. By the way, I didn't enclose the buck either. Ha ha! TOM: Just to add a little more fun! > And write them a little greeting > from wherever you are sending from. TOM: Well, it's hard to write a greeting from anywhere else... > This is all about having fun and > making money at the same time! > > 2. Now fold this sheet of paper around a dollar bill ,(no > checks or money orders), CROW: Nothing that you can get smart later and cancel. MIKE: Also nothing for the IRS to track this quote/unquote completely legal system... > and put them into an envelope and send > it on its way to the five people listed. The folding of the > paper around the bill will insure its arrival to its recipient. > THIS STEP IS IMPORTANT!! (Otherwise, some unscrupulous mail > delivery person may see what's inside and start helping himself > to all the thousands of envelopes arriving!) TOM: It is important that only the unscrupulous net spamming person gets the money and not the unscrupulous mail delivery person who otherwise works for a living... > 3. Now listen carefully, here's where you get YOUR MONEY COMING > TO YOUR MAILBOX. Look at the list of five people; remove the > first name from position one and move everyone on the list up > slot one on the list. Position 2 name will now move to the > position 1 slot , position 3 will now become position 2, 4 will > be be 3, 5 wil be 4. Now put your name, address, zipcode AND > COUNTRY in position 5, the bottom position on the list. CROW: Who are you?! TOM: The new Number 2... CROW: Who is Number 1? TOM: You are Number 6... CROW: I am not a number... this is net spam!!!! MIKE: The revised Prisoner skit, ladies and gentlemen! > 4. Now upload this updated file to as many newsgroups and local > bulletin boards' message areas & file section as possible. Give a > catchy description of the file so it gets noticed!! Such as: "NEED > FAST CASH?, HERE IT IS!" or "NEED CASH TO PAY OFF YOUR DEBTS??", CROW: "JUST HAD A LOBOTOMY??" TOM: "THINK MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL? WANT TO GET RID OF IT?" MIKE: Now guys, Robert is providing a legitimate service to the majority of the net now by telling people who know these scams for what they are what they are entitled so that they can avoid them... > etc. > And the more uploads, the more money you will make, and of course, the > more money the others on the list will make too. LET'S ALL TAKE CARE > OF EACH OTHER BY BEING HONEST AND BY PUTTING FORTH 120 PERCENT INTO > THIS PROFITABLE & AMAZING SYSTEM!!! TOM: That's mathematically impossible... MIKE: Putting forth 120 percent or being honest in this system? CROW: Both... > You'll reap the benefits, believe > me!!! Set a goal for the number of total uploads you'll post, such as > 100-200 postings or more! ALL: 100-200 POSTINGS?!?!?!?! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: OK guys, we can live through this... I don't think the Mads repeat experiments... CROW: Are you sure?! MIKE: (scared) No.... TOM: WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!!! > Always have a goal in mind!!! It's easy to > send to several groups at once in a good graphical mail reader just by > selecting a range of groups and using the "Post Message" command--it > will cross post to all of the groups you select. CROW: If this is what progress has brought us, I'm becoming a Luddite... TOM: Maybe I'll be Amish... > PLEASE NOTE: DO NOT cross post to too many newsgroups at once! 20 or > so is enough. If you do too many, the people who might read the message > will have to wade through the entire list of newsgroups you posted to. > Also, if you modify this message at all, be sure to keep the margins > at around 70 characters. MIKE: Twenty or so is way too much! CROW: Two or so is way too much! TOM: Hey! We can modify the message! Bring some good out of this! MIKE: I don't think so. It's seen too much taint and corruption already. > 5. If you need help uploading, simply ask the sysop of the BBS, > or "POST" a message on a newsgroup asking how to post a file, > tell them who your Internet provider is and PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS BE > GLAD TO HELP. CROW: Oh yes... SysOps and Newsgroup browsers love to have new scams peppering across their systems... TOM: That's like that rapper who did Cop Killer wanting to perform it at a police academy! > I would try to describe how to do it but there are > simply too many internet software packages with slightly different > yet relatively simple ways to post or upload a file. CROW: Progress redeems itself by keeping drool-proof paper instructions out of this ad. TOM: (School Marm voice): We're saved! Thank you varied Internet Software Packages! > Just ask for > help or look in the help section for 'posting'. The easiest way to do > it, if you are on a Macintosh, in Windows, or using XWindows, MIKE: Now is not the time for a Macintosh/IBM debate, guys... 'BOTS: Aww.... > is to > just COPY this entire message into the pasteboard and PASTE it into TOM: The Garbage Can for Mac CROW: Or the Recycle Bin for Windows '95... > a > post to the newsgroups. > > 6. And this is the step I like. JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY LIFE MIKE: Before the law catches up to you... > BECAUSE CASH IS ON ITS THE WAY!! Expect to see a little money > start to trickle in around 2 weeks, but AT ABOUT WEEKS 3 & 4, THE > MONEY STORM WILL HIT YOUR MAILBOX!! All you have to do is take it > out of the mailbox and try not to scream too loud (outside anyway) > when you realize YOU HIT THE BIG TIME AT LAST!! CROW: Was that big time or *hard* time? > 7. So go PAY OFF YOUR BILLS AND DEBTS and then get that something > special you always wanted or buy that special person in your life > (or the one you want in your life) a gift they'll never forget. > ENJOY LIFE! TOM: Like anyone on this plan is responsible enough to pay off their bills. CROW: Or go buy a special person for your life! MIKE: Crow... > 8. Now when you get low on this money supply, simply re-activate > this file again; MIKE: Reactivate the file? This is net spam, not the CIA... > Reposting it in the old places where you > originally posted and possibly some new places you now know of. > Before you do, look around the newsgroups for recent copies of it and TOM: And see just how this scam has saturated the newsgroups... > copy a new list of names to this file. This will help to perpetuate the > game. Don't ever lose this file, always keep a copy at your reach for > when you ever need cash. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE TOOL THAT YOU > CAN ALWAYS RE-USE TIME AND TIME AGAIN WHEN CASH IS > NEEDED! MIKE: Well, you can reuse it... won't get you cash though... > 9. (This step added by Charles Reiley). TOM: And in the center square... Charles Nelson Reilly! CROW: Alright, Mike, you start the game... pick a square... MIKE: I'll pick Charles Nelson Reilly... CROW: Alright, Charles, your question: Is Grevera dumb enough to believe this works or does he know he's scamming us... TOM: Um... I'll say he knows... MIKE: Um... agree... no... disagree... I can't decide! > Hello, This is exciting > isn't it?! While I'm on the list, just add a note saying "Please > include extra money tips" with your name & E-MAIL address, and I > will (FOR FREE) send you some neat methods to increase the money > you will receive with this plan. TOM: It's not free! You gotta send him the dollar! Even after stamp and assorted sundries, he's still 65 cents up on you... MIKE: Ten to one he'd just tell you to sell the addresses to companies anyway... > Why?... Why not? I'm not a selfish > jerk... CROW: Then why are you in this scam? > I like helping out others. E-mail just makes it a touch > easier and cheaper, too! After I drop off the list, I can no > longer offer you this advice, obviously, MIKE: Since I will be laying low in Mexico... TOM: Doesn't Mexico have it bad enough already? > but maybe someone else > who gets my tips will offer and simply replace my name on this step > number 9. Good luck and give this plan your all, it will definitely > pay off! Like Mike said, HAVE FUN WITH IT!!! MIKE: I never said that! > > ******************************************************************* > ******************************************************************* TOM: A light at the end of the tunnel, guys! We're in the home stretch! > THE NAMES LIST THE NAMES LIST THE NAME LIST > ******************************************************************* > * > * HONESTY IS WHAT MAKES THIS GAME SUCCESSFUL!!! CROW: Dishonesty is what makes this scam possible... > * > * FIRST, write down the addresses below so that you don't lose the > * first one when you save this file! TOM: Why not? He's gotten his dues, you don't need him anymore. > * Then remove the first name from position one and move everyone > * on the list up slot one on the list. Position 2 name will now > * move to the position 1 slot, and so on. > * > * 1. Dustin Lowe MIKE: Crow, I know it sounds like some sexual reference, but don't even try it! CROW: You're no fun today, Mike... > * P.O. Box 13431 > * Gainesville, FL 32604 > * > * 2. Bobby Williams > * 342 Shawnee Drive > * Wetumpka, AL 36092 > * > * 3. Aaron Hammond TOM: 'EY, HAMMOND! > * P.O. Box 974 > * Kelso, WA 98626 > * > * 4. Dan Delaney CROW: Does Dan have the middle initial A? MIKE: Is this address on China Beach? > * 1017 Rogers St. > * Louisville, KY 40204 > * > * 5. Robert Grevera > * 279 Mountain View Drive > * Nanticoke, PA 18634 CROW: Nanticoke, PA 18634... thanks, Rob! Hehehehe... > * > * Now put your name, address, zipcode AND COUNTRY in position 5, > * the bottom position on the list, and post it to as many > * newsgroups as you can! MIKE: Which will hopefully get you limited to less groups than Dan Gannon is currently allowed to use... > * > **************************************************************** > > NOTE: TOM: C Sharp. > Try to keep a list of everyone that sends you a dollar and > always keep an eye on the local postings of this file...Just > to make sure that everyone is playing the game fairly. You know > where your name should be..... CROW: Like I have no life, and can scan every scam file in every newsgroup just to make sure my name is there... > AGAIN, HONESTY IS THE BEST THING WE HAVE GOING FOR > US ON THIS PLAN. MIKE: No, honesty is the best thing you have going for you. Even if this worked, any smart person would make sure he didn't have to invest a thing by not sending the five dollars, and replacing all the names... > > -Mike Dotson, Boulder, CO TOM: Wasn't he Mork & Mindy's neighbor? MIKE: We made it! Let's go guys! [Exit theatre...1...2...3...4...5...6...SoL Control Room] CROW: That was some deep hurting, Mike! The only difference between this and other scam files is that this one realized that adding an extra 5 names to the end of the list guaranteed it wouldn't work... MIKE: Well, Crow, that's the Catch 22 of the existence of these scam artists. Other scam artists see this and they get the idea that they really don't need to share their profits with the originator, so the originator vaguely implies that it's necessary to do so, but gives no reason why. TOM: It's a disgusting, dirty world. Y'know, if it wasn't for the experiments, I'd be almost glad we're up here sometimes. MIKE: Well, Earth certainly isn't all bad... (Mads' light flashes) speaking of which, there's Dudley and Snidely again... What do you think, sirs? [D13] FORRESTER: Mike! It's a horrible thing I've done! Thanks to that infernal headband's shock reinforcement, Frank has become little more than a robot, seeking to please me! [SoL] CROW: And this is a change... exactly how? [D13] FORRESTER: He's not listening to my commands to go away... he's too intent on trying to make me happy, that he doesn't see that in order for me to be truly happy, I must be miserable. FRANK: (vacant stare, comes from behind Forrester) Dr. Forrester, sir... FORRESTER: AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! FRANK: I have found a perfect experiment for you, it is a Get Rich Quick / Save the Children crossover which urges you to make a mailing list to get rich, and give the money to needy children and rich executives all over the world. It will make you happy to view the experiment and perfect it for your needs. FORRESTER: No! That's OK! FRANK! NO!!!!! (Frank drags Forrester off) [SoL] CROW: Hey Mike, remember what I said about a supreme justice in the universe? MIKE: Yeah. CROW: That just made me feel that there is. Forrester is having to eat an experiment. Muah hahahahahaha!!!!! TOM: I don't know what you're so happy about Crow, that experiment will one day be our problem... CROW: But until that day, Tom, I am happy. MIKE: Hey there's Frank! Frank, where's the headband? [D13] FRANK: Dr. Forrester accidentally broke it as I was locking him in Deep 13's theatre... FORRESTER: (offscreen) FRANK!!!! I'm going to kill you!!! FRANK: Poopy! Well, I better see if I can stop that crossover. I'll see you guys next time I guess... (pushes button) --- ZAP !!! --- --------------------------------------------------------------------- Messy Legal Stuff: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. This MiSTing is not a personal attack on Robert Grevera, nor any other persons listed in the above document, but may be considered only the beginning of what anyone who posts this get rich quick tripe deserves. Someday the law will catch up with these people. > PLEASE NOTE: DO NOT cross post to too many newsgroups at once! 20 or > so is enough.