From castellino.4@nd.edu Wed Jan 15 13:08:36 1997 Date: Mon, 13 Jan 1997 21:51:07 -0500 From: castellino.4@nd.edu Reply-To: dibslist@neylonpc.engin.umich.edu To: dibslist@neylonpc.engin.umich.edu Subject: MiSTied "Understanding" (Part II) > Her mind reeled >with >implications. CROW: Oh she's a biggie. Yeah, that's a keeper. > "How...when did he find out?" Her lip trembled; she >started to >shake beneath Luke's fingers. "He couldn't have known when he >captured me >aboard the first Death Star....if he had I wouldn't be here >now...he wouldn't >have toyed with me the way he did; he would have killed >me outright." TOM: The eighties father > She >>shook her head; MIKE: Then she put it back on her neck. > she was starting to become frantic; her voice raced and >became >ragged, as she repeated the question that had started her loss of >control. CROW: She just keeps eating and eating. >"How could he have known?" > Before answering, Luke pulled her back into his embrace, and sent a >few >calming thoughts to her. CROW: Mike, do they remember that they come from the same gene pool? MIKE: I just don't know. > She stopped trembling, but her breath was >labored >beneath his arms. TOM (Leia, muffled): I can't breathe! > "I'm not sure," he finally whispered into her hair. >He >stroked her silken mane to calm her further. CROW: Mike, you're a human. Is this touchy-feely attitude common among brother and sister? TOM: Yeah, were you like this with your sister? MIKE: No and hell no! > He felt his own emotions >begin to >slip as exasperation and desperation began to set in as his >desire to have her >be at peace with this seemed farther out of reach. MIKE: Anyone catch that? BOTS: Nope. > "For a Jedi there is >only >peace," he reminded himself. "Patience." He cleared his throat and >went on. >"Maybe it was my name...Skywalker's not all that common, and >that combined >with my Force abilities..." MIKE: And your third nipple. > He trailed off. "But I do know this: he >didn't >know about you until..." his voice caught; he was unsure he was >willing to >admit this, but decided it could only make things better, for >himself, as well >as Leia. He drew a breath. "Until my thoughts...my >desire to protect you... CROW: I don't think that is his only desire. TOM: Oh, Crow. Please stop it. >betrayed you in that final battle." > Leia had calmed somewhat by then, and she looked up at him with >eyes >full of emotion. MIKE: And mucous. Her allergies have been acting up since getting to Endor. BOTS: Eww! > "No, Luke. CROW (Leia): Not here. Not now. MIKE: Just what parts of the satellite did the other guy give you to make you so twisted, Crow? CROW: Never ask that question, Mike. > You could never betray me by caring about >me." >She reached up and gently ran her fingers over his cheek, this >time >comforting him. But she could feel that he was holding back. CROW: Hah-hah! Do I need to? MIKE and TOM: NO! > "There's >more >though. You're not telling me all of it." > Luke sighed, and squared his shoulders. TOM: Is that mathematically possible? > Maybe telling all of it would >make >it all right for him as well as for her. "Apparently, when Anakin >turned, he >did not know that our mother was pregnant. Ben knew that any >children he might >have would be a threat to him, and to the Emperor, MIKE: AFDC would be his political downfall. > and he also knew that >they >knew it, so they sent our mother off into hiding, and separated us >as soon as >we were born. I was sent to live with Ben's brother, and you >with a good >friend of Ben's. Apparently, shortly after Ben found out we >were on the way, >he went and tried to turn Vader back. They fought, and >Vader fell into a >molten pit, which is why he had to wear all that life >support." He shrugged. TOM: No biggie. >"That's all I know." > Leia heaved a great sigh, MIKE: Must be morning sickness. > and turned and paced a step away, her >mind >and heart full, CROW: She couldn't eat another bite. > but calmer now. "I always knew I was adopted." She >whispered >as much to the trees as she did to Luke. MIKE: Why do the trees care? TOM: Maybe Leia is a gardener. > "But I always thought it was >because >my real mother had been ill; she died when I was so young...I >never knew >anything about my true father, and never really thought about >it; I was so >comfortable in the thought that Bail and Jiselle Organa were >my parents." > Luke swallowed. The puzzle was coming together; CROW: Looks like the White House. TOM: No, no. It's the Taj Mahal. > maybe if they >both >laid all their pieces out, the picture would make sense. "What do >you >remember about our mother?" MIKE: The smell of Vodka and cheap cigarettes. > Leia turned and looked at him, and shrugged marginally. "Nothing >>concrete." Her eyes glazed over, and she spoke with a faraway voice, ALL: [Start air guitaring "Purple Haze."] > "She >>always smelled of Cargacian Night Flowers; a sweet, floral, earthy smell. >She >had long, silky hair..." She absently ran her fingers through her >own. "She >liked to tickle me. TOM: Tickle Me Elmo dolls still haven't met their demand quota. > She had such a gentle voice... she'd always sing me >to >sleep at night..." She began to hum a sad, sweet lullaby, MIKE (singing): Never laugh when a hearse goes by... > but quickly >trailed >off as the tears came. > Luke moved to hold her. CROW: This is starting to cross into a PG-13 category. MIKE: It broke that barrier a long time ago. > For a long few moments, she just let her >tears >flow, letting them cleanse her soul. TOM: The wonders of bran cereal. > Luke reached out with the Force, >searching >time and space and Leia's mind for an image of her - their - >mother. "She >was...very much like you," he said after he'd caught a >glimpse or two of her. >He stroked Leia's hair again; it seemed to calm >her. "Strong, beautiful, >brave, smart, sensitive. She even looked a lot >like you." > Leia looked up at him. It seemed at every moment he came up with >a new >surprise. CROW: Like that bulge in his pants. MIKE: CROW! [Mike smacks Crow.] CROW: Ow! > "I thought you knew nothing about her." > "The Force reveals many things." TOM: Kind of like X-ray specs. CROW: Why don't you hit him! MIKE: That wasn't lewd. > Leia seemed to accept that. She took a deep breath, and plunged >on, as >if finishing the story would make it all right. "And then she >died. Before I >even knew her. I was maybe...two; if that. I really >didn't understand, but I >was so close to my "foster" parents already that >the change wasn't that >drastic. After a while, I didn't think about her >anymore, and never asked any >questions. And no one at court did either, TOM: Not even during cross examination? MIKE: Wrong court. > at least not that I heard. >I >heard some whisperings about my mother being sterile and that's why >they >adopted me. Whether that was the truth or it was a fabrication to >keep me >safe, I don't know. It certainly makes more sense in this >context." She >sniffled. "I should have asked more questions. TOM (Leia): Then I wouldn't have failed chemistry. > I'm sure they would have >told >me the truth." > Luke squeezed her. ALL: [Screaming in terror.] CROW: Mike, are they from the South? MIKE: Even the galaxy has a south, I guess. > "You had a family that loved you; you were >safe >and well cared for. You had no reason to." > Leia shrugged. "Maybe." She was silent for a long moment. She >rested >in the arms of her brother, listening to his heartbeat and feeling >the gentle >rise ALL: [Screaming again.] TOM: Oh, this is just so wrong! > and fall of his chest. This seemed so...primal. MIKE: *Ping.* That is the correct answer. > She knew that this >was >the first sound her forming ears had heard. A quiet peace spread >over her >soul. She drew a deep breath, and looked up. "Hey, the sun is >coming up." CROW: Don't that beat all? > Luke looked. "Sure enough." He put an arm around his sister's >>shoulders. "Let's go see what those Ewoks serve for breakfast. I'm >starved." CROW (C-3PO): It would seem that *you* are the main course in a feast in my honor. > They arrived back at the village, to the smell of meat cooking, and >the >clank and crunch of equipment. Han gathered the pair of them up in >his arms in >one big embrace. "Hey kids, what have you two been up to?" > MIKE: You don't *ever* want to know! > Leia smiled, "Talking." > The trio went and ate breakfast in relative silence, just happy to >be >back together again. Lando came and joined them toward the end, >slapping Luke >on the back TOM: Causing Luke to swallow his tobacco. > and kissing Leia's cheek. After they'd eaten, Han rubbed his >>hands on his pants, and remarked to Lando, "Well, I guess I'd better go >see >what you did to my ship." He started to stand. >> >"Uh..." Lando started, jumping up in front of Han. ALL (chanting): Lando broke the Falcon, Lando broke the Falcon! > "Why >don't >you take Leia and to find a nice little spot in the forest and take >the day >off? CROW: She must be worn out by now. MIKE: Crow... Oh the hell with it. > I'll make sure the Falcon's taken care of." > Han looked at him skeptically. "There's a lot to do today, Lando. >>We've got to pack up camp and..." > "I'll look after that. It'll take several days before we get off >this >rock anyway, so why don't you enjoy the time while you've got it? >If anybody >asks any questions, I'll be responsible. I am a general now, >you know." CROW: Only by default. MIKE: Yeah, I hardly call defeating those pirates at Tanaab impressive qualifications. TOM: You're just a wealth of useless information, Mike. > Han glanced at Leia, who shrugged. Han sighed. "Okay, but I'm >taking a >commlink with me. You call me at the first sign of anything, >you got that?" > Lando mock saluted. "Yes sir." > Han took Leia's hand, and, after packing some rations and a >commlink, >they strolled off into the forest... MIKE (Lando): Oh, commlink this you crummy! > > After a short walk, they found a nice clearing with just the right >>mixture of sun and shade. After settling in under a tree, Han gathered >Leia up >in his arms TOM: And glued her back together. > and kissed her warmly. He held her close, and whispered >into her >ear, "I woke up this morning and you were gone. Where'd you >go?" > "I had to clear my head," she murmured back. "I went for a walk, >and >wound up talking to Luke." > "Yeah, about Luke," he pushed her away a little bit. "What is this >>about his being your brother? How come I haven't heard about this >before?" TOM (Leia): Because you never listen! > Leia placed a hand on his shoulder, hopefully to keep him from >getting >angry. "Because I didn't know before." CROW (Leia): That incest is neat. MIKE: [Sighs and shakes his head.] > Han looked at her totally puzzled. Leia sighed. "You knew I was >>adopted, didn't you?" > Han shook his head. He didn't know where she was going with this. > "It was pretty common knowledge, at least on Alderaan." MIKE: Yeah, well he's from Coruscant, dummy. CROW: Mike, you're more than just a trekkie, aren't you? > Han scowled. "Well, I didn't know about it." > Leia shrugged, hoping to make light of it. TOM: Emotions and energy are not interchangible by the laws of physics. CROW: What if they used transporters? TOM: Crow! > "It wasn't a big deal. CROW (Leia): So I kissed my brother. Big deal. TOM: Mike, aren't you going to stop him? MIKE: Why bother? He'd just shut himself down again if he couldn't say what he wants. > >The >court and the people accepted me, and after I was about 7, there >wasn't too >much said about it." > "Did you know?" Han asked, sincerely interested. > She nodded. "Oh, yes. I have... vague memories of my natural >mother." > "But not of Luke?" > She shook her head. "No. Apparently, we were separated when we >were >born." MIKE: There is an omnibenevolent God, and this is proof. > He furrowed his brow, digesting that. "You're twins?" TOM: What, can't you tell? > Leia smiled awkwardly. "Did I leave that part out? I'm sorry." > Han looked at her for a long moment. This got stranger and >stranger the >more he found out about it. "Why?" MIKE: ...Ask why? > Leia heaved a sigh, CROW: Maybe she ate some bad clams. > and stammered. She had hoped she wouldn't >have to >go into this. The fear that had gripped her before threatened to >come back. >"To...to protect us from our natural father." > Han looked at her with questioning eyes, shaking his head >marginally, >understanding less and less. "Wh... why...?" TOM: Does the name "Bonaducci" ring a bell? > Leia turned away, unsure she could say the words. Her breathing >became >labored, and the words stuck in her throat. "Because..." She >swallowed. Her >fear was becoming palpable again. "Because he was..." >The rhythm of her breath >increased. She felt all her muscles tighten. >She seemed to shrink. "He >was..." She wrapped her arms around herself; >she was beginning to feel sick. >"He was..." MIKE (Ralphie): Soap... Poisoning! BOTS: [Faking melodramatic weeping.] > Han gripped her shoulders from behind her, to steady her. "Who was >he, >Leia?" > Leia's head spun; CROW: AHH! The Exorcist is back! > she leaned against Han for support. Her throat >was >tight; her voice box wasn't functioning. "Vader," she finally >managed to >whisper. "He was Vader." > "What?" Han said, suddenly unsure of what to think. He was repelled TOM: Ugg. Rock climbing. > >by >the fact that this person might be the spawn of the one being in the >universe >he hated the most, but at the same time his heart ached for her; MIKE: My achey breaky heart. > he knew >her; he >loved her, and no matter her >parentage, she was still Leia, the >woman he >loved. > She was sobbing now, and he wrapped his arms around her, to comfort >her. >"Is that what all that business with Luke was about the night >before last?" CROW: We warned you about that question! >She nodded against his shoulder. > She cried for a minute or so longer, letting her pain flow out with >her >tears. She looked up, brushing her tears from her face. "I'm sorry >I lied to >you; well it wasn't a total lie, I _was_ TOM: She's doing _that_ again! > worried that Luke wouldn't come >back, >but..." She heaved a heavy sigh, CROW: I'm going to heave soon. > and proceeded to tell Han all that Luke had told her about Anakin >>Skywalker, and how he had turned before he had known his wife was >pregnant, and >how his children would be a threat to him, and so they were >kept well hidden. >And how Luke had turned Vader back from the Dark Side, >and had brought his body >back to Endor to be burned. MIKE: Don't forget about the s'mores. > She let it flow from her. Telling the story, >the >truth, to Han, helped heal her somewhat. > When she had finished, she bit her lip, looked up into Han's eyes >and >asked, "So, do you still love me?" ALL: Nah! > He smiled that lopsided grin of his. "Why would I not?" CROW (Han): Why would I not use contractions? > "Well, being the daughter of Vader and all..." > He took her hands in his. "Leia, you said it yourself, you're not >the >daughter of Vader, you're the daughter of the man who became Vader. >There's a >big difference." He smiled again. "And even if there wasn't, >you're you, MIKE: Oh that kind of philosophy is going to be printed in a text book right after Descartes on day. CROW: Hey, that reminds me of something. MIKE and TOM: NO IT DOESN'T! > >and >you don't have any control over who your parents are. I love you >for what you >are, not what your genes say." CROW: "Nice pants." > She smiled at him and hugged him close. He had just moved to kiss >her >again when his commlink beeped. > "Aw, Great Gods of the Manasassi," TOM: You know who you are! > he groaned as he flipped the >device >on. "What?" > A squeaky voice answered. "General Solo, Mon Mothma requests that >>Princess Leia contact her as soon as possible." > "About what?" Han demanded. > "Something about an Imperial probe, sir. That's all I know." CROW: Hey, she just had one at her last check-up! > Han sighed. "Very well then. She'll do it soon. Solo out." > He tossed the commlink to Leia and climbed to his feet. "Here, >call Mon >Mothma. There's somthin' I wanna do quick. I'll be back soon." >He smooched >her. > "Han....?" > "Just stay put, I'll be back soon." He bounded off into the forest. MIKE (Han): I gotta pee real bad. > Leia shrugged and flipped on the commlink. "Princess Leia Organa >to Mon >Mothma...what is this about an Imperial probe...?" CROW: Now that was an action-packed story. TOM: Let's get going. 0...2...3...4...5...6...* [ Mike is feverently tapping at a computer. Tom and Crow are behind him.] CROW: Has Dr. Forrester realized that it's over yet? MIKE: No, I don't think so. I've almost accessed his computer and he hasn't tried to stop me yet. TOM: Good! Hurry and delete that Star Wars library from his computer. The world hasn't encountered such evil since the opening of Pandora's box. MIKE: I'm almost in. CROW: Hey Tom, do you think this Stacy Galler was trying to discourage any sexual encounters one may have in the near future? TOM: God know it did the job for me. Why, I'll never be able to look at Gypsy again and think, "I wonder what it would be like if she were my sister?" MIKE: [Looking back]: Guys, she IS your sister. TOM: What?!?! BOTS: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MIKE: Guys, I've broken his encryption lock-out. Wouldn't it figure that the password was "deep hurting." CROW: Quick, Mike! Delete delete delete! MIKE: All right. Say goodbye, evilness. I banish you back to hell! [Just as Mike is about to delete the Library from Dr. Forrester's files, the artificial gravity on the Satellite of Love shuts off and everyone and everything not fastened down floats away.] MIKE: Hey, what the... Get back over here! [Mike lunges for the computer but misses.] TOM: Foiled again! [He sobs.] DR. F: Well, my little lab rats. I see you were snooping where you shouldn't be. If I let you down, do you promise not to mess with my hardware again? Hmmm? ALL: We promise. DR. F: Are you sure? If you aren't, I can always send you up "Hackers" as your next experiment. ALL (panicked): No! We promise we promise! DR. F: Good. But I think I'll leave you floating until I come up with a new password. MRS. F: Clay! Where the hell is that popcorn? DR. F: Uh, coming mother! Until next time, booby. [Pushes the button.] WHOOSH Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All right reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademark material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. She jumped to her feet, ran several meters away until her heart had used up the extra energy. From the bottom of her soul, she screamed the only possible truth into the night; "NO!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Dibs List Send "unsubscribe dibslist" to "majordomo@neylonpc.engin.umich.edu" to unsubscribe WWW: