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Mave wrote:I'm pretty interested to see what creative explanation I'm going to concoct by the end of this series.
Mave wrote:Eh, should I continue to post here everytime I place an update or does it ever get annoying that I keep bumping the thread almost each week?
rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
uc pseudonym wrote:My only piece of constructive criticism is that what happens between pages 7 and 8 isn't very clear. This is only my opinion, but I would have caught it much quicker if we'd seen the guy get hit with liquid, some reaction shots, an image of the mug, then what was on the next page, though closer.
...I sound like I think I know what I'm talking about.
1: I personally don't like punching panels, but some shonen manga-ka do. A preference thing, really.
3: Not bad. Doug is clear and the movement looks good. It could improve if we could see his attacker more clearly - that is his arm punching, right? For example, you could have rotated the angle just a bit to the left.
4-6: It is very clear what happens, but the exact positioning of the blow makes me squint in an odd fashion. This is partially because the movement of the hand looks down as opposed to sideways, but there's a limited amount you can do with that.
On the bright side, the final panel succeeds in being cool.
4: As I assume you guessed, this panel isn't the clearest. Again, it might help to have panned back a bit so that we could see a bit more of the movement.
Also, the eyes near the bottom of page 10 struck me as funny.
Interesting that Doug reacts to being called a freak. I wonder what's behind that.
Mave wrote:I know Watsuki does. XD He was the reference for this panel.
Mave wrote:Thank God, that was the intention. I did fret over his position but I tried to imitate the realistic physical rebound Doug would have after handchopping the guy from the back.
Mave wrote:As a whole, I learnt that perhaps it's a good idea to spread action panels a little bit more. For example, I could have made it more effective by expanding them across 3 pages (instead of squeezing everything into 2) and reserving more panels to help readers understand the sequence better.
Mave wrote:It was originally meant to be very offensive (maybe something that starts with an 'a' or 'b') but I thought that would go fairly sour among the readers. If freak isn't offensive enough, how does eh.. dumba** sound or maybe I should just censor it to leave it to the reader's imagination?
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