I think I know what human bone marrow looks like.....

[Never thirsty!]

I was extremely upset that I got rejected from the wrestling team for some guy who will go on the news bragging about how because of him we're #15 in the division when I could've at least put us in the top 3 anyway on my way up to bed I found a piece of glass and saying I destroyed my arm is an understatement if it wasn't for God's gift we call the tournequet(did I even spell that right?)I wouldn't be here and now I have to learn to do everything with my right hand(i'm one of the few lefties in the world) because it's extremely painful to move my left i'm pushing the keys with my right index finger one by one it's difficult long sleeves don't work now because it's too irritating to my arm and it's like 20 degrees outside.

[goldenspines]

I truly believe that you need to find expert help if you are inflicting self harm upon yourself. CAA cannot offer this expert help, unfortunately. We can offer prayer, but please, instead of coming online here and talking about how you have inflicted self harm, please make an effort to find help.

[anlptgtsg]

^that. Please you need someone to help you.

Will pray.

[Never thirsty!]

I haven't found anyone who can help me because they all think they know my pain but really they don't they don't know what it's like to get ridiculed just for being physically handicapped and being put down for something that can never be changed and not having any friends to comfort me they see me as an outcast, as a burden and treat me as if I'm carrying a lethal plague. It SUCKS and don't get me started on my parents saying I'm the worst mistake they ever made how could counselling possibly make me feel better?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

You don't know till you try.

[Xeno]

You very obviously have some deep-seated issues and you need to try to talk to a counselor to try to work this stuff out. They won't understand everything you're going through, because that's impossible, but they can empathize and do their best to understand where you're coming from and what is happening with the information you give them.

You need to see someone, and a forum on the internet is not the someone you need to be seeing because we are not capable of properly assisting you.

[Never thirsty!]

Xeno, one I get butterflies when I try telling my counsellor about stuff like this because of the paperwork he made me sign
two, do you know if there are any counsellors who are empaths(it means they're like horses they know exactly what is going on beneath the surface in terms of your emotions as well as how the emotions came to be and intentions for doing things)

[Davidizer13]

Xeno, one I get butterflies when I try telling my counsellor about stuff like this because of the paperwork he made me sign
two, do you know if there are any counsellors who are empaths(it means they're like horses they know exactly what is going on beneath the surface in terms of your emotions as well as how the emotions came to be and intentions for doing things)

Wait, what sort of paperwork? Legal waivers, confidentiality agreements, medical releases, what? And if they're confidentiality agreements, then you've got nothing to worry about - your counselor can't tell anyone else about what you say unless you give them permission to share it.

As for an empath, that's not how humans work, and I'm pretty sure horses can't do that either, actually. You're asking for the impossible - we're not psychic, and thank God for that. But we're complex creatures, having deep-seated ideas ideas and reasons for our actions beyond simply meeting needs or outbursts of emotions. Even if the counselor you're happy with is the most perceptive person on earth, they won't know anything about your situation or where your emotions and intentions are, unless you tell them something about it! But that's no reason to shut up and not even try to work with them. Your secrets are safe with them, as I mentioned, and you absolutely have to say something about where you are if you want your counselor to be able to work with you through them.

You need help, face-to-face professional help, beyond anything even the people who are professional counselors on this board can do for you through text alone. If they're of any quality at all, they'll keep whatever you say in confidence, and better yet, they'll be able to determine where you're coming from like you want, but only if you talk to them! You have to keep a conversation going between you and your therapist if it's going to get anywhere. Are you willing to do that?

ETA: You don't seem willing to talk to a counselor about your problems, someone who's probably dealt successfully with people and situations just like yours for years, but you seem pretty willing to tell those problems total strangers on the Internet who can't do anything about them more than prayer. Just sayin'.

[K. Ayato]

What do you expect us forum members to do anyway? I'd rather you record your cutting woes and what-have-you in a private, note-bound journal than a public forum. But that's just me.

[Xeno]

Xeno, one I get butterflies when I try telling my counsellor about stuff like this because of the paperwork he made me sign
two, do you know if there are any counsellors who are empaths(it means they're like horses they know exactly what is going on beneath the surface in terms of your emotions as well as how the emotions came to be and intentions for doing things)

So get over the butterflies if you want to get better? And I'm not clear on the second bit. Are you asking if they exist or where to find one? Because David already covered on people being able to perfectly understand another person (you can't), and I wouldn't know where to tell you to find someone like that anyway. We don't live in the same city, at least I don't think we do, and if we do I'm not familiar enough with the local therapists to direct you to anyone.

[Never thirsty!]

I did talk to someone who got me to stop cutting because she was one of the first friends I made in high school and I'm the only person she still talks to that she has known throughout all 4 years of high school I asked her a question her response made me feel like I matter which gave me a reason to get rid of the piece of glass I called my BFF

[Mr. Rogers]

I might say there is really nothing than can be done through a forum environment. Depression that leads to cutting indicates some deep emotional and relational issues that need to be resolved. They require relationship.

If you feel yourself struggling with these tendencies and don't know if you can resist it, you can call National Suicide Hotline at: 1-800-273-8255

You can also find counselors at this website: http://www.aacc.net/ Some of them may be willing to adjust their rates if you are still a student or have some other financial hardship.

I would also recommend finding a friend, preferably older than you and with indications of deep maturity, who you can vent your feelings to on a daily basis through a phone call.

I might warn you that continuing to only post your problems on a forum might be an indication of trying to avoid the hard work of recovery. You will need to tackle this one off of the internet.

[Never thirsty!]

Did I not just say that a friend's compassion convinced me to stop cutting?

[Xeno]

You posted this thread after posting that in the other thread. Time indexing would lead one to believe you had relapsed and started cutting again. So no one has been paying attention to that other post anymore.

[Never thirsty!]

hmmmmmmmm. Ok, so if I've got this right my previous relapse means that me saying I actually felt true compassion from someone who actually cares about me made me feel like I was actually priceless(no complacency there 'm saying that you can't put a price on life.) and like I actually mattered was enough to help me because every time I've relapsed it's because I've been trying to do this on my own but since I now have a friend to help me who helped me find the courage to tell my counselor what I was doing and He was able to give me a list of healthy releases for my my stress so yes her compassion ultimately led to me reaching out and starting to recover because of her I know I don't have tgo do this on ,y own so I can actually start to make a full recovery that's what makes this time different. I not going solo have help and someone to talk to that I can trust.