Really need some advice/guidance!

[QtheQreater]

do you think i should talk to him?

Unless you are physically afraid of him, I don't think it will do you any more harm than you are doing to yourself. I'd suggest that you not keep your expectations too high about immediate restoration, but be ready to apologize for not hearing him out. If you are really afraid of his being an emotional manipulator (like I said, I don't know you or him), it might be worth enlisting another person whom you both would trust to moderate the conversation.

I'm no relationship expert, but I hate miscommunication and assumptions. That's where I'm coming from, just so you know. I like to see people speak clearly and have peace in their own conscience.

[thisiskris89]

Unless you are physically afraid of him, I don't think it will do you any more harm than you are doing to yourself. I'd suggest that you not keep your expectations too high about immediate restoration, but be ready to apologize for not hearing him out. If you are really afraid of his being an emotional manipulator (like I said, I don't know you or him), it might be worth enlisting another person whom you both would trust to moderate the conversation.

I'm no relationship expert, but I hate miscommunication and assumptions. That's where I'm coming from, just so you know. I like to see people speak clearly and have peace in their own conscience.

hmmm u have a very good point.i am gonna seriously think about this.
i have some things from my heart id like to say...
partially i am weary of that cuz like would i be manipulating the issue or forcing the situation?
if that makes sense><

[QtheQreater]

Caveat: if you know for sure that he has already "replaced" you, then you would be doing yourself and someone else a favor to refrain from speaking to him at length other than to apologize. Just another thought. And really, really think about what kind of emotional manipulation you might be doing yourself. I know a lot of women that do that without realizing it.

Another thing to think about. As far as having a relationship with someone in order to "turn them around" goes, if you are not ready to face the kind of behavior someone already exhibits with the kind of forgiveness that won't bring up the subject again, then you shouldn't be in that relationship. It's unfair, both to you and to the other person. It is a personal boundary that you really need to think about. If a certain behavior or choice is problematic to you (and I'm saying that's okay), don't shoot yourself in the foot by trying to be someone you aren't and getting in a relationship with someone who does those things. I hope that makes sense.

Good luck, and keep moving forward, whether or not you choose to talk to him.

[thisiskris89]

well i dont know for sure he does but im just figuring that.
I would never have brought up the subject.i forgave his indesscretions.
thanks Q!u really gave me something to think about.

Also though I am kinda adfraid to approach him to talk to him.What if he won't listen to me?
What if there was a chance for a reconciliation and i blew it cuz of my attitude?
But then I think but If God wants me to be with him i will if not then I won't.
Its kinda funny,he had not been in church for 3 weeks straight so this past Sunday I was like ok God if You dont want me to be with him then dont let me see him again,or sumthin to that affect.Then I go into the bible study and there he is.heh heh...yeah...
I know I have to let go and give up control.Its hard,I dont wanna be alone anymore,I guess I got too excited.

[K. Ayato]

Stop double-posting.

[thisiskris89]

Stop double-posting.

I'm sorry.I wont do it again K.
I wasnt tryin to be annoying.

[K. Ayato]

It's not that you're being annoying, it's that it's not allowed.

Moving on. Stop second-guessing yourself in regards to what happened between you and this guy. It'll only lead to unnecessary guilt, which will continue to bring you down. Trust me. I did that myself once.

[Atria35]

Stop second-guessing yourself in regards to what happened between you and this guy. It'll only lead to unnecessary guilt, which will continue to bring you down. Trust me. I did that myself once.

This. You're overthinking this far too much, and the only thing it will do is paralyze you - unable to do anything. Make a decision about what to do and stick with it.

[thisiskris89]

Yeah.I've decided to talk to him and get done with this once and for all.Hopefully he'll be in church this Sunday.This isnt sumthin I wanna do over the phone or email.
I have to do this.Its tme to face,to let him go and move on.What happens, happens.

[DarkNozomi]

If you're not able to simply let it go, talking to him directly is the second best option. Generally when someone pursues relationship and then breaks it off quickly, some explanation is generally considered courteous.

I feel like you're beating yourself up with this for no real reason. He was a jerk; nothing you say or do after the fact is going to change that fact. You're entitled to an explanation, but should be ready for the possibility that you won't get one. That's why I say the best resolution would be for you to simply forget him and move on... anything else tends to simply prolong the pain, in my ample experience

[K. Ayato]

Takes two to tango, or in this case, make or break a relationship. I'm with everyone who says move on and that the two of you go your separate ways, and also that you stop beating yourself up for whatever you did (or didn't do) that led to a nasty breakup and focusing on the "what could have beens" 'cause they're not gonna make you happy and the more you stay stuck on those thoughts, the less focus you'll have on your reality. Yes, this was painful, but it's not the end of the world.

http://fullmetaldating.blogspot.com/2012/11/no-one-ever-died-of-loneliness.html

[thisiskris89]

Well,I did it.I talked to him.I felt that it was the right thing to do.And now i feel...great!
I feel like such a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.I really such a peace and a contentment.It went really well.I approached him before the Bible study started and tapped him on the shoulder and was like"uh,can I please talk to you for a minute?"
He very pleasantly and kindly said "Sure."So I like talked to him,end up missing the Bible study haha. He was so sweet as I talked and he was so understanding as I explained my feelings and how I didnt think he was a bad guy,he just needed to grow up a bit.He agreed he was immature,and said he has been doing some growing up these past months(thats so good,im proud of him)I threw in some little silly quips in the conversation to take away some of the tension and we laughed a bit.I told him I knew he didnt want to hurt me and stuff and he said he did care about me and that he really liked that i wasnt sexual and stuff.He had mentioned that my mother not being on board was a major factor.I mean I kinda explained why my mom acted as she did,but I mean she was warming up,I am sure if she had actually talked with him it would be cool,but its too late for that now.Well all in all this was the most difficult thing i had to do.But I know I am a stronger person for it.God wanted me to do this.I kept it together pretty good,i got kinda weepy at times,especially at the end,but God got me through it.I'm not angry anymore.
I told him that we are just gonna be strangers,he was so understanding.I think he reall truly cared about me.He did mention that he hides his emotions so when he seemed happy he really wasnt.

Well anyway, I wanna thank you all for your help.Especially QtheQreator,she kinda got me thinking about talking to him.Again I am greatful!!
I am no longer gonna think about him.I give it to God.I dont care anymore.

[Nate]

Well I'm glad it went well for you, good thing you took Q's advice.

[thisiskris89]

I feel like he is fading away along with the warmth I felt for him...
and have a deep sorrow over it...

[K. Ayato]

Take a deep breath and take steps to move on. Nothing wrong with having the good memories of your time together. Just don't give them the chance to consume you.

[Nate]

I feel like he is fading away along with the warmth I felt for him...
and have a deep sorrow over it...

It sucks but this is how it is at times. Especially after a breakup, people often grow distant from each other. I kinda feel that way about my ex too but you have to just suck it up and endure those feelings.

[thisiskris89]

Yeah,i guess too its that i feel like such an idiot,its kinda humiliating.
I know I just have to accept it an get over it.sigh.

[K. Ayato]

It's gonna take time. Don't fool yourself in thinking it's gotta go away overnight. You'll have good days as well as bad. It's completely normal. The important thing is moving forward even if it's not a good day.