CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I am 26 year old man. Who still feels that doesnt want to grow up because of a lot of unfair situations in about every turn of life whether it growing up at school, work, family, and my church. Lord only knows that either I have these so called communication problems or people are too impatient to understand me and I gotten too ahead of myself because of past counseling I had with older adults? I hate living in America for few hand full of reasons. If I try to grow up like every typical American adult, my life would feel like a rat race. I don't believe in having a so called best friend because I don't know what its like to truly have one. I have a lot friends at only for a casual relation level, as tho to me, they are acqaintences, but no one but God, no one tangible could really understand me. I don't often talk about myself because the last time I tried to communicate my prayer to people even on this site. I would have gone thru too much work and trouble, only to get replies back saying, "I don't understand what u r talking about". I am using a smartphone to type this btw. My prayer request may seem unrealistic to answer or pray about. There is a lot more to be talked about myself, but because there's so many people with problems, they can be likely overlooked for that reason. At the intimate level oef this so called ideal friendship of mine I don't have anyone that shares my love language if u all know what that means. I at least pray anyone who reads this would understand. While I remain in some ways very alone, I continue to look up porn, and play games or watch anime to take my mind off of every problem that I should be concerned about. Thank u for taking the time aside to read his prayer.

Please also understand that even tho this post may need to be reedited or moved, try to grab the basic concept of the this story.

I get what it's like to feel alienated because people don't understand you. You start to pull away from people which in turn makes people less-likely to get to know you. It all becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.

So perhaps it's time to break that cycle. You can find meaning in continued attempts despite the outcome, you know.

Okay, here's the thing: except for the whole thing about not having a best friend, I think I can honestly say that I have may have a pretty strong idea of what you're going through. I suspect that, since you said something about "love language" that when you said you don't have a best "friend" you really meant "lady friend" (unless you're coincidentally a girl.) So, despite what some may say, I know what it's like to be lonely and isolated even in the very places you should be feeling "at home." Again, you talked about not having friends, but only acquaintances. I've definitely felt that. I don't know about you, but when I say things like that, it comes from a place of deep bitterness that threatens to swallow me up. So, long story short, I can relate to this post- not being understood even when you try explain, the alienation everywhere, the loneliness, the feeling that something is missing or even wrong, the self-medication of poisons like porn. Perhaps the projection of my own experience is totally off base. In any case, if I'm right and you and I are somewhat alike, then ultimately I unfortunately don't have any nice-sounding answers. I just choose to believe that God will make things work out in the end and that one needs to swallow one's pride and seek help from any venues necessary. I would be willing to talk about anything, btw, though I'm sure the promises of an anonymous stranger mean little. So, if I've totally misunderstood what you were going for here, then I'm sorry. I will pray for you nonetheless.

Sorry for this possibly incoherent and unhelpful wall of text.

As someone who can relate to exactly what you are feeling, I can safely say that someone who understands what you're going through is not what you need. But that sucks, because I'm here posting anyways. XD
What you do need is people who care about you enough to be like, "Hey, I don't understand everything about you, but let's still hang out and talk because I care about you." and you in turn need to respond, "Thanks and it's fine you don't understand everything about me, but I'll try to understand you too since I care."

Basically, the long, hard road of how friendships work is you making an attempt to understand others before they can understand you. I know it's tough and it will be tough for a looooong time, believe me. Making the first move to meet someone is like, horrifying. It might feel fake at first because you don't even know how this goes, but keep at it if you can.

But that might be for later. First, try to accept yourself as you are and as God created you. Focus on that for a while, because hey, you're a cool person and you need to accept that fact.

Then after that, learn to accept others and their faults. Is anyone going to ever understand you completely? Probably not, but you will probably meet some people who understand you in certain ways and still accept you and care about you. In some ways, that's a bit more heartwarming that being understood completely.

I'll be praying, though. Speaking as an artist, I try to never fully "grow up". XD It is good to learn to be responsible about things though, but that comes from accepting yourself and building your self confidence. Take it one step at a time. While some will try to convince you that growing up is an automatic thing that happens when you turn 18 or 21 it doesn't. It takes time and lots of it.

Best of luck.