[INTRO]

In our top story tonight, the Junior Senior Banquet is coming up soon. 
Good thing it's not today though, I had Juniors and Seniors for lunch...

In this week's school newspaper, The Point Weekly, I got a letter printed 
detailing how I didn't think sexism was a large factor in the ASB 
elections...

In a totally unrelated story, this reporter is now unopposed in his 
candidacy for President of the Associated Men Students of PLNC.

In Melbourne, Florida, two eleven year olds were suspended for one day 
each for kissing each other in the school hallway. Boy, if we were that 
way around here, I'd be the only one left!

The Vatican announced today that in it's commercial efforts to sell a CD 
set of Pope John Paul II reciting the Rosary, it will use a 12 year old 
film clip of him hiking in the woods. Well, you see, they have to. After 
his hike, he started the recitation and he's just now finished...

The new "Weird Al" Yankovic album "Bad Hair Day" was released this week, 
and is already under some controversy. On the album Yankovic parodied the 
Coolio song "Gangstaz Paradise" into "Amish Paradise". Coolio has made 
remarks that he has not authorized the parody and does not appreciate 
it... WHAT?! Weird Al is the best thing that ever happened to your 
career, you no talent hack! You weird haired freak!  You... What? No 
we're not going to commercial... don't you fade out on me! I... (fade out 
as Dave continues to rant)

[STOP SET]
We're back on KPLR AM 620 with Dave's News...

OK, I think I'm calmer now, and I apologize for the outburst, and wait a 
second, no I don't! Where was I? Oh yeah! You wouldn't know good music if 
it bit you on those weird hair things of yours! Tell you what, I 
challenge you, right here and now! You and I are going into the steel 
cage buddy! Hey, don't you dare fade out on me again! (fade out)

[OUTRO]