This article underwent some heavy revision before submission. It is with a heavy heart that I realize that I am about to close out my term. Being your ASB Director of Activities meant the world to me. It was a chance to pay back those of you who have accepted me. Acceptace isn't something I have historically been able to take for granted, and I didn't like the idea of owing a debt.

        When I, on my third campaign, was finally elected to this office, I had dreams of putting together the best activities program possible. I considered perfection my goal. However, due to my humanity and fallibility, I fell short of perfection. My original article was focused on that failure. As I'm not running again, I had no way to make that up to you.

        Fortunately, I know good people who managed to talk sense into me (which is hard because it's not my native language, but I digress) and disagreed with my assessment. While this year was not perfect, it had its moment on the mountain top to compensate for the time spent in the valley. Every time I saw a smile on your face, or heard you talking about the fun you had, or when this job gave me the chance to get to know one of you better; those moments were my mountain tops.

        For the times I let you down, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. For the times you benefitted from what little I could do, it's the lease you deserve. For all I know, there may be someone who came to know Jesus through one of these little fun diversions. That's really my prayer for this year, because even if the bad times were ten times worse, and the good times weren't there, that one person would make it all worth it.

        It's starting to seem to me that the whole idea of getting this position to pay you back for your friendship and acceptace may have been flawed from the start. I don't think I can ever pay you back, and am starting to wonder if I should even try. You who have accepted me didn't do so for anything I can give you. You accepted me because the Spirit of the One who first accepted me is in you.

        I still have doubts. I wonder about what could have gone better. I wonder about my future. Sometimes, I even wonder if God and His plan really are there. I think we've all been in those times where it seems that you're surrounded by your failutes, and God is off on a coffee break. I think it's okay for us to doubt sometimes, though. God created us with free will and reasoning minds. Even Jesus Himself knew this doubt (Matt. 27:46). What we are called to, however, is to be obedient despite our doubt. To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, we need to be Christian, even if there was no Jesus Christ, because this "fantasy world" that we've come up with beats the real world hollow. To me, this is faith in action.

        I don't know what the future holds. I'm only 25 years old, so I have a lot more adventures left in me. To quote a song: "Once more, I open the door".

        I don't know what's on the other side of this door, but I do know what's behind the final door. That's enough to keep me going.