=========================================================================== Hello all! This is my second MiSTing completed, but third attempted. (One is in progress.) There was no more Ratliff to dibs, so I had to settle for Ratliff's continuity. Don't worry, Ms. Pasch does seem to be quite a fan. I've seen MST3K:The Movie now, and love it. I've borrowed some ideas (Gypsy functioning as caretaker for Mike and the 'bots) and some lines (mainly for Tom), but tried not to go overboard on this. This MiSTing takes place at roughly the same time as the movie, probably a bit after, and also fits in after the MiSTings of "Zora, Maiden of the Sea", "Star Trek: Episode 666" and "A Royal Wedding" for continuity reasons. And, as always, I am still not the guy who did "Enterprized" and "A Gul's Revenge". We just happen to have the same name. Dave Hines dhines@kruncher.ptloma.edu Visit MiSTing Heaven at: http://199.106.87.9/~boffo/msting.html P.S. If you wish to comment, please do so by email. I don't have newsgroup access at school, and can't read this group often. ========================================================================== In the not too distant future... [1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL Control Room] [Mike, Tom and Crow are dressed up in 70s clothes, complete with chains, toupees for the 'bots, and half open shirts. (In Mike's case, this is causing a sharp rise in the demographics under the category of "Female 18-35"). A disco ball spins overhead as the 'bots get down. Mike seems a little reticent.] MIKE: Gypsy, I don't think this is working out. [Gypsy comes zipping into the scene with a dress and a wig, largely trying to imitate Marsha Brady.] GYPSY: Now, Mike, you know that in order to pass the time up here in a mentally healthy way, we need variety. That's why I've scheduled these theme days. MIKE: I know, Gypsy, but disco? I didn't like disco when I was on Earth! GYPSY: Well, the boys seem to like it... MUSIC: Whether you're a mother or whether you're a brother, you're staying alive... staying alive... [Crow is moving his arm in the classic "Travolta Motion" from Saturday Night Fever. Tom is rotating his body around to use centrifugal force to accomplish the same effect.] CROW: Yeah, Mike! Get down! Whoooo! MIKE: Crow, you look ridiculous. [looking over] That look may work for Servo though. TOM: I'm hip! [Dr. Forrester's signal rings out.] MIKE: Uh oh. Cut the music, Gypsy! [Forrester fades in on the viewscreen.] FORRESTER: Ah! Mike, boys! How are you doing! Are you all getting enough to eat up there, hmmmm??? MIKE: [nonplussed] Um... I guess we're fine, sir. FORRESTER: Good good good! We don't talk often enough. A good scientist - test subject relationship is essential for this type of work. CROW: Umm... Mike... I don't like this... FORRESTER: Oh come now, you wound me! Here I am, calling you and having a nice friendly chat. I'm not shooting lasers at you, or forcing you to bow down to me. I just called to do you a little favor. TOM: Mike... I REALLY don't like this! FORRESTER: I trust you all remember that delightful little piece of fan fiction from our old friend, Stephen Ratliff, called "A Royal Wedding"? MIKE: [visibly sweating] Uh... yes. FORRESTER: Well, as you may recall, that piece was a sequel to a work by one Anne-Lise Pasch called "Generations 2" that was set in the Marrissa continuity. [The 'bots begin to whimper.] FORRESTER: [continuing] Well, I've found it for you! So you can know where Ratliff is coming from, and perhaps begin to empathize with him a bit. MIKE: That's OK, we'll... um... pass! FORRESTER: I'm afraid passing is not an option, Mickey Dolenz! [Fanfic sign begins to flash] MIKE: I thought you were doing something nice for us! FORRESTER: I lied. With me, don't just suspect evil, *expect* it! Now, get in the theatre! [Forrester fades out] MIKE: We've got fanfic sign!!!! [General panic. 6...5...4...3...2...1...Theatre] MIKE: All of a sudden, disco doesn't seem so bad... >Path: tivoli.tivoli.com!geraldo.cc.utexas.edu!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!pipex!warwick!cookie!xuuaw CROW: Order the tivoli tivoli! It's great tonight! TOM: Groupies of bad fanfic writers... on the next Geraldo! >From: Anne-Lise Pasch MIKE: Ah, the Psychic Hotline is her ISP... >Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative CROW: The alternative to creative Star Trek... >Subject: Generations 2: The whole story :] >Date: Fri, 17 Feb 1995 10:22:52 +0000 CROW: Looks like Dr. Forrester waited a year to prepare this... TOM: This is gonna be bad... hold me, Mike! MIKE: Only if you hold me! TOM: That's going to be difficult... >Organization: University of Warwick, Coventry, UK >Lines: 381 >Message-ID: CROW: Hey, I want a cookie! I never did get a Zagnut bar when we read "Zora, Maiden of the Sea"! TOM: [sobs in bitter remembrance] MIKE: Crow! I told you to never mention that poem again! We need to stay together for this one! We can do three hundred and eighty one lines! >NNTP-Posting-Host: cookie.csv.warwick.ac.uk >Mime-Version: 1.0 >Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII >X-Sender: xuuaw@cookie >Xref: tivoli.tivoli.com alt.startrek.creative:6170 > > >-- > >This story is set after Generations, and before the 'future' in "All Good >Things". MIKE: Well, everything is before something that's not going to happen anymore. CROW: Once a fanboy... > It is also a follow up to the excellent Kid's Krew stories by >Steven Ratliffe. MIKE: Ye merry olde Ratliffe. TOM: Ye horrible olde Ratliffe! CROW: Does that make Marrissa's group the Kid's Krew Klan? MIKE: Crow, just because Ratliff seems to have southern roots doesn't mean he's stupid enough to walk around wearing linens. > >All mistakes within this story are mine, all mine. :] TOM: And all chances to respond to this story are ours, all ours. CROW: [laughing evilly, as Forrester] Nyahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: Crow, stop doing that impression. It scares us! CROW: I can't help the way my voice sounds! > >-- > >Generations 2: Generations Ahead. TOM: Immense pain ahead, too. > > > > Sleekly, majestically, MIKE: [as Snagglepuss] Beautifully, even! > the U.S.S. Endeavour edged out of Spacedock above >the San Francisco Yards, CROW: Nice to have it confirmed that, even in the future, space will be ABOVE San Francisco. > and moved forward under impulse power. The rays of >the sun reflected upon the saucer section of the Nebula-class starship, TOM: It's not a Neubla-class? MIKE: Just remember, it's not really Ratliff. CROW: If it looks like a duck and allows Marrissa to survive impossible odds... >proudly displaying the registry NCC-71805-A. In contrast to its elegance, >the bridge crew of the vessel were having a difficult time holding back >their emotions. CROW: They were having a monster kegger. > For them, the adventure was just beginning, but this crew >were not adverse to danger or adventure. MIKE: Just spelling, ... TOM: grammar, ... CROW: and believable plotlines. > Although they never actively sought >the precarious situations they had often found themselves in, they soon >found themselves engaged in one perilous situation or another. > Bloodleblip. CROW: Hey! Not on the bridge! > "Come!" called out the Captain, Marrissa Picard. CROW: But unfortunately, it wasn't that type of story. MIKE: Crow... > Marrissa >was reknowned throughout the upper echelons of Starfleet for her >intelligence, [ALL]: [laugh] > her experience, [ALL]: [continue to laugh] TOM: Tee hee! Not everybody would know how to smack diplomats around! > and her age, MIKE: Since all three were low... > as she had attained the rank of >Captain before the age of twenty. Indeed, as daughter of the now-legendary CROW: And syndicated... >Jean-Luc Picard, she had been acting Captain of the Enterprise on a number >of occassions. The door swished apart, admitting the lean form of Jay >Gordan, her first officer. TOM: [begins humming stripper music] MIKE: AH! BAD mental image there! TOM: Oops... sorry, Mike... CROW: [snickers] > "Ah, number one. Just in time to join me for some tea." CROW: [as Jay] It's MY unbirthday too! >Jay smiled, a machiavellian grin breaking into his pixie-like features. TOM: That's what we would have seen if Jack Nicholson was in "Hook". > "What, no strawberry juice?" he asked. Marrissa allowed herself to share >the laughter, MIKE: After filing the appropriate requests with Starfleet Command... > glad of the chance to relax. Over the years, her relationship >with Jay had matured into a very cordial TOM: If I were Jay or Marrissa, I'd need alcohol to be the other's friend, too! CROW: If I were Jay or Marrissa, I'd need an appointment with Doctor Kevorkian! > and close friendship. Marrissa >sighed, her face reflecting the seriousness she felt. > "What's to report, number one?" she asked, while walking over towards the >replicator. CROW: [as computer] That drink is not on file. Accessing medical records on humanoid lifeforms. > "Alexander has returned from his meeting with Kurn. You were right, >Marrissa. ALL: [as Jay, droning]: You are always right, Marrissa... > He was able to use his family's link to the High Council to get us >the two Klingon ships we needed. Unfortunately, we only have access to two >B'rel class Birds of Prey, not the larger K'Vort class." CROW: [as High Councilmember]: Sure we'll give you a couple of warships! We may be at war, but this is Marrissa Amber Flores Picard we're talking about! MIKE: Remember, Crow, Ratliff continuity... no war. > "At least we have two cloakable ships." She replied, nodding. "Let's just >hope we don't have to engage in combat. What condition are the Birds of Prey >in?" TOM: [as Jay] They just made the models yesterday, Captain. > "According to Commander Sutter, the ships are in perfect working order and >ready for the mission." > "That's Clara for you." laughed Marrissa. "Never anything less than perfect. >Prepare the away team for transport, Jay, and get underway as soon as possible." MIKE: [as Jay] Shouldn't we wait for Alexander and those ships first, Captain? > "Aye Captain." Jay turned and left, a trace of a smile still playing upon >his lips. CROW: That would tend to imply that there was some humor in that whole scene, but I just didn't see it. > > The band of energy rippled onward, following a clearly defined path. TOM: Follow the yellow brick road! >Stellar Cartographers, aware of its deadly potential had plotted its course >for years, diverting ships and, when necessary, evacuating colonies. CROW: Isn't that a proctologist's job? MIKE: Colon-IES, Crow! CROW: Oh yeah, I knew that... >Oblivious to the fear it left behind in its passing, the Nexus, forged on. >Although the great ribbon possessed life, in a fashion, it was devoid of >intelligence. MIKE: Thus explaining its presence in a Ratliff-continuity story. > > Guinan stared out of the window. Although she was in a place of great >joy, her eyes reflected the anguish she was experiencing. TOM: [as Guinan] In... bad... fanfic! Must... persevere! > Frustrated at her >powerlessness to alter events, she had no option but to watch them occur. MIKE: Now you know how we feel! >For her, time had no meaning. All time was one time, and the weighty >depression of that fact was enough to suffuse her contentment with the >clouds of despair. A tear escaped the confines of one eye, and she looked >away towards the ground, crushed by her need to help and her inability to >render assistance. CROW: Mike, just what does that paragraph mean? MIKE: Um... she was sad about something... and she was crying. Beyond that, I have no idea. > > Marissa stared at the image of the Nexus on the viewscreen. The energy >ribbon rippled before her, a bizarre snake of colour streaking across the >starry background. She hoped the experts were right, that the >newly-devoloped [And banned, she remembered with a smile] TOM: [as Marrissa] Rules are for mortals! > phasic cloaking >device would enable a suitably adapted Klingon Bird of Prey to move safely >through the Nexus, analysing as it passes through. A second bird of Prey was >on hand to actually make contact with the Nexus, allowing, they hoped, some >form of communication with its inhabitants. Although Marrissa was no expert >in this field, even she recognised a desperate bid when she saw it, CROW: [as Marrissa] There's no way he can win a four no-trump! MIKE: We've done that joke before, Crow... > and she >hoped that there wouldn't be too many casualties for her to be responsible >for. TOM: She's nearing her "million-per-lifetime limit". > > Will sighed, leaning heavily into his command chair. This was where he >wanted to be, he realised. Captain William T. Riker. He had to admit it to >himself, it sounded good. How long he'd waited for the opportunity to take >this chair, and that moment on Varidian 3 when he'd looked up through the >shattered remains of the Enterprise's bridge, he'd thought this moment >would never have come. Still, he thought, a smile creasing his aged face, >here he was. MIKE: He's become Al Bundy! > "Sir!" An Ensign's voice broke into his reverie, and he immediately turned >his attention to the matter at hand. > "Yes Ensign, what is it?" CROW: [as Ensign] It's the lowest ranked officer grade, but that's not important now, sir! TOM: It's the dramatic return of Ensign Throwaway! > "We're approaching the coordinates set for the meeting point, Captain. The >Grissom, the Endeavour and two Klingon ships are already there." MIKE: [as Ensign] Message coming in from Marrissa, sir! It says "You are late, infidel!" > "Good!" Riker enthused. "Hail the Endeavour, I want to speak to Captain >Picard." TOM: WHY?! > > Marrissa was sitting in her ready room when the call from the Enterprise >came through. She composed herself, unconsciously adjusting her uniform >in the same manner that her adoptive father had too. MIKE: Oh, she probably has male pattern baldness too! > "Captain Picard, good to see you!" Riker's baritone rang out. > "Hello again, Captain." acknowledged Marrissa. > "What's the situation Captain?" CROW: What's the frequency, Kenneth? > "Starfleet have asked that an experienced group of officers should >attempt to gain access to the Nexus. TOM: [as Marrissa] Do you know any? > Apparently, that's us!" Marrissa >broke into a wide smile. "We each have to make selections from our crew. >I'm handing control of the Endeavour over to Alexander, my Chief >of Security. MIKE: [as Marrissa] I just don't have anyone younger or less experienced than him on board! > I've selected Jay Gordan and Clarrissa to accompany me." > "Who's been selected from the Grissom?" asked Riker. > "Captain Charlesworth of the Grissom is coming along, as is his first >officer, Lieutenant-Commander Townley. Also Commander Data." > "Data? Last i heard he'd retired from Star Fleet!" Interrupted Will. > "He was approached by Admiral Bernlin and asked to return on a special >commission. Do you know which officers to choose from your own crew?" CROW: Ever since he got that emotion chip installed, he's been working for the highest bidder... > "Yes. Myself, Deanna and Commander Vesch." > "Vesch? I'm not familiar with that name. Should I be?" TOM: Well, I'm not familiar with Charlesworth or Townley either! > "She's the granddaughter of Tasha Yar, half Romulan, and a damned good >officer." CROW: [as Marrissa] Has she considered prayer? To me, I mean... TOM: Shouldn't Tasha's granddaughter be either a quarter or three quarters Romulan? MIKE: Sela signed up for one of those dating services for half Romulans. > "She can be trusted?" Marrissa had always harboured distrust for the >Romulans, despite the peace treaty. CROW: I call no way! If there's a peace treaty between the Federation and the Romulans, and this is a prequel to "A Royal Wedding", why does she kill helpless Romulans in that one? MIKE: You actually expected any kind of continuity as far as "A Royal Wedding" was concerned? > "Doubtlessly. She has proved herself many times over." > "Alright then, prepare to beam over to the Vor'cha with your chosen crew >members in thirty minutes, standard mission equipment. TOM: [as Marrissa] You know, the usual stuff... > We don't have long >before the Nexus arrives." > "I'll see you there. Riker out." MIKE: [as Riker] Why am I taking orders from her? > > Alexander was in the Holodeck of the Endeavour, practicing his fighting >skills with a Kut'luch, CROW: And I'm practicing my riffing skills with a Tossed'lunch. > the bladed weapon favoured by Klingon Assassins. The >holodeck had been programmed to ignore safety factors, TOM: ...and all the holo-characters were running around with scissors. > and he was immersed >within the deadly game. Suddenly the hidden communicators within the >holodeck chimed out MIKE: [as Number 6] Wait a minute, why would a Polish agent have a watch set to British time?! > and repeated, "Lieutenant Commander Alexander, report to >the transporter room." Just for a second, Alexander lost his concentration, >and was nearly impaled by a spear, thrust by a humanoid creature with a >face resembling a wild boar. CROW: What's Marrissa doing in there? > With instincts honed to near-perfection, >Alexander whirled and buried the serrated blade into the torso of his >attacker, mortally wounding it. CROW: [as Alexander] Take that, Marrissa! > "Computer, end program!" he called out jubilantly, and strode out. Behind >him, the alien world evaporated into a blank grid. > > Will Riker stepped off the transporter, and waited for his eyes to adjust >to the dimmed light of the Kul'pla's transporter room. A young, black- >haired woman came up to meet him. TOM: At least, he THOUGHT it was a young, black-haired woman. Those lights are pretty dim. > "Greetings Captain Riker, I'm Clara Sutter, Chief of Engineering." > "Ah, young Clara, I remember you from aboard the Enterprise." Riker winked, >playfully. "How long ago that was!" MIKE: Oh, Riker hits on everything female and vaguely hominid! > Clara laughed dutifully. "Marrissa is on level 2. She's converted the >galley into a ready room and will meet you there. I've been assigned to >escort you." CROW: [as Clara] The ship's regular ready room wasn't big enough for her royal pa... um... highness. > "Then lead on, young lady." Riker's irrepressable grin broke out as he >followed Clara from the transporter room. TOM: If I were Clara, I'd make him walk first. CROW: If I were Clara, I'd need an appointment with... MIKE: We've got it, Crow! (sigh) > > "The situation is this," Marrissa concluded her briefing. "Lieutenant- >Commander Townley, yourself, Commander Vesch and a skeleton crew will fly >the Vor'kis through the Nexus as a guinea-pig run for the Kul'pla. MIKE: You mere mortals don't mind sacrificing yourselves for me, do you? Of course not! > You >will set your shield modulation to 12.36, the same as the Nexus. CROW: The Nexus has shields? > Gather as >much scientific data as possible. The rest of us," Marrissa's eyes scanned the >room. "will enter the Nexus in the Kul'pla. Questions?" TOM: [as random briefing participant] Yeah! Why don't YOU be the guinea pig for one of these missions! > "What will we encounter within the Nexus?" this from Riker. MIKE: [as Marrissa] Clean hair for a lower price! > "Previous reports indicate that you enter an environment tailored to suit >your personality, CROW: Riker probably won't be allowed to go in, then. > rather like a holodeck program. Once inside, we have to stay >in contact, or we lose the feel of reality." > "Damned cockamamie idea if ever I heard one!" said Captain Charlesworth. TOM: Hey, it's Popeye! > The assembled officers grinned in agreement and at the old Captain's quaint >verbiage. MIKE: The assembled human and 'bots grimaced in nausea and at Pasch's sad idolization of a bad fanfic writer. > > The Vor'kis sped towards the Nexus on half impulse. On the bridge, tension >was beginning to mount. CROW: This is no time for Jenga! > > "The shields aren't modulating! What's wrong?" Lieutenant-Commander Townley >stepped towards Vesch and looked over her shoulder. That's not the correct..." > His voice was cut off by the ship's computer. > "WARNING! WARNING! Shield failure imminent." The voice was gruff, the computer >repeating the message in both Klingon and English. TOM: Hmmm. I guess the Supreme Court did find that it was unconstitutional for English to be the official language. > > From the bridge of the Endeavour, the Vor'kis appeared to implode. The >warp core in the centre of the ship went critical, vaporising most of the vessel. >Fragments of hull spun away into the uncaring void. CROW: And hopefully, into Marrissa. MIKE: Oh, it's always the Romulan's fault in these stories. TOM: Well, Marrissa doesn't like Romulans, so... > > Marrissa turned away from the viewscreen of the Kul'pla, nauseated by the >loss of the crewmembers. > "It didn't work!" she exclaimed, frustrated. MIKE: Well, Troi's not there, so *someone* has to state the obvious. > "It would be senseless to attempt our original plan with this vessel." >stated Data. Marrissa agreed. CROW: Can we kill just Marrissa then? > "Can the communicators be set to transmit from within the Nexus?" she >enquired. > "I believe so." said Data, simply. TOM: [as Data] Simply press that "Ratliffian Plot Contrivance" button. > "Then make it so." said Marrissa. > "Hey, wait a minute!" exclaimed Riker. MIKE: [as Riker] I just realized that you're not supposed to order me around! > "How do you expect us to get inside >the Nexus? You saw what happened to the Vor'kis!" > "There will be no us. I intend to be beamed alone directly into the path of >the Nexus." CROW: Hopefully with no space suit. > "Madness!" Captain Charlesworth burst out. TOM: Looks like Charlesworth shares our opinion about these stories. > "No." said Data. "Records indicate that Captain Kirk survived being sucked >into space when the Nexus hit the Enterprise-C." MIKE: Which was fairly easy, since he was never on the Enterprise-C. CROW: Oh, Anne-Lise obviously means the Enterprise-B... MIKE: And who were you calling a fan boy, Crow? CROW: D'oh! > "I volunteer to accompany you." said Jay. > "Me too." said Clara. TOM: Oh yes, let us all have an explosive decompression, and then... > "Just us three, then." said Marrissa, noticing Riker about to speak. "As >Mission Commander, I wont be responsible for any other lives." > "As you wish." said Riker, wearing an expression of obvious distaste. MIKE: It's sort of like "The Princess Bride", but he doesn't like her. CROW: Can you blame him? > > Marrissa awoke from the darkness. She could still remember the biting >chill of space in that brief millisecond before she blacked out, before she >came... here. She looked about her, and recognised the Enterprise. She was >inside a Jeffries tube, and people were running past. Suddenly, there was >nothing more natural in the world than to be here. She was being hunted by >the Enterprise security. Why? She tried to think. Of course, it was an >exercise to test the readiness of the cadets. TOM: And then she fell into the pool of strawberry juice, and knew she was in heaven. > She climbed out of the tube >and entered ten-forward. She sat down, taking a book out of a pocket. She >was just about to begin reading when a woman stepped in front of her. > "I don't know you." said the stranger. MIKE: [as stranger] May I see some ID? > "I'm Marrissa Amber Picard, head of the Kid's crew, Acting Ensign." CROW: Hey, she forgot the Flores... > The woman laughed, annoying Marrissa. TOM: Now Marrissa knows how we feel. > "You're no more a kid than I am!" she stated. Suddenly the scene around her >shifted, and she was on a dry, arid planet. > "What did you ju..." > The woman cut her off with a wave of her hand. MIKE: I'm falling in love with this stranger. She can annoy Marrissa and shut her up. > "Watch!" she said. Suddenly, a large cube appeared in the sky. Marrissa >recognised it immediately as a Borg ship. > "I see this every day." CROW: [as stranger] We don't get cable. > said the woman. "My name's Guinan, and you're in >the Nexus. You can be anywhere, anywhen here. TOM: Put her in a theatre and force her to read Ratliff, Guinan! > The Nexus protects its >occupants, prevents illness, MIKE: ...removes unsightly moles, ... CROW: ...regrows hair, ... TOM: ...and makes 13 different varieties of julien fries! Now how much would you pay? DON'T ANSWER YET! > keeps you happy by attempting to cater for your >every wish. Eventually, you realise that your wish is simply to leave. MIKE: [as Guinan] And, um, it won't grant that one... > Can >you imagine what its like, living for an eternity, constantly feeling >joyful? ALL: [shouting] NO! > I'm forced to having to make myself want to see this," Guinan waved >towards the Borg ship, "just to keep myself sane. This place must be >destroyed." CROW: Well, it has already been destoryed. MIKE: Guys, this is *not* Ratliff! > "Do you have any idea how?" asked Marrissa. TOM: [gasp!] Marrissa isn't coming up with all the ideas! I guess this isn't Ratliff! > "Yes, there's an Engineer here, called Morak. He was on the same refugee >ship I was. He believes that if you could somehow alter the path of the >Nexus to pass into a sun, it would be destroyed." MIKE: [as Marrissa] Morak?! Sounds Romulan. I don't trust him. > "Okay." said Marrissa. "How many others are there here?" > "Including you and your friends, nine." > Marrissa mentally kicked herself for having forgotten her friends. Still, >they would be unharmed. CROW: She kicks herself each time she forgets others. That explains her current stupor. MIKE: There are only nine people in the Nexus? TOM: This sounds more like a new NBC comedy than the Nexus. > "I'll do my best." said Marrissa, her eyes reflecting nothing but grim >determination. > > "Marrissa to Enterprise." Marrissa tapped her comm-badge. > "Riker here, go ahead Marrissa." > "I've spoken with a woman claiming to be Guinan. She believes that if you >can alter the path of the Nexus to pass through a star, it would be >destroyed." TOM: [as Riker] We can't destroy a star, Marrissa! MIKE: OK, so Anne-Lise bears some resemblance to Ratliff. > "We read you." Riker turned to Data. "Analysis, Mr. Data." > "Intriguing concept. The path of the Nexus was changed before by destroying >stars along its path." > "Not exactly a viable prospect, Data. Any alternatives?" CROW: [as Data] But Marrissa wants us to destroy stars, sir. > "It may be possible to direct the Nexus by the creation of static warp >bubbles around it, which would act like walls to channel it." > "How do we go about doing that?" asked Riker. TOM: [as Data] Don't worry about it, sir. I'll handle the technobabble. > "It would mean using two ships flying on each side of the Nexus. Our >shields have the capability to be modified to that end. MIKE: How conveeenient! > The Enterprise has >an existing configuration in its data banks, and the cloaking device on the >Kul'pla could be easily modified to create bubbles." CROW: Wouldn't it be easier to use it's *warp* drive to make *warp* bubbles? > "What existing configuration?" asked Riker, mystified. > "It was originally intended as metaphasic shielding." said Data. "Geordi >originally programmed it from notes made by Dr. Crusher." TOM: [sarcastic] Oh, that's going to inspire confidence in *everyone*! > "Well," said Riker, "I've never known anything of Geordi's to go wrong yet!" MIKE: [as Riker] Except his love life, and the weekly failures of the holodeck. CROW: ... and those two are related.. > "However, this plan would mean us having to fly almost into the star's >corona and probably into it. TOM: [as Riker] Good, we missed the kegger earlier. > We should survive, as we have metaphasic >shielding, but the Klingon ship will not." MIKE: [as Data] And I'm sure the Klingons wouldn't mind sacrificing one of their ships for nine of our people. > "Why do we have to fly so close to the star?" > "Basically, we are trying to push the Nexus sideways, as soon as we pull >away, the Nexus will continue on its original course. TOM: It's stubborn that way. > I suggest putting a >skeleton crew on the Kul'pla, and keeping a constant transporter lock on >the crew members, ready to beam them back before hitting the star's corona." > "Can't we control the Klingon vessel remotely?" Riker asked. > "No sir. Our systems are incompatible. Maybe if we had more time..." Data >gave a very human shrug and Riker smiled in response. CROW: [as Riker] It's the Klingon's fault for using Macintosh... oh well... > "Okay Data, we run with your plan. > > "Marrissa to the Endeavour." she called out, touching her comm-badge. > "Endeavour here. Doctor Johnson is on standby to recieve casualties." MIKE: With Marrissa in charge, that HAS to be his usual state. >Lieutenant Patterson's voice was barely audible through the waves of static. > "Nine to beam up, engage when ready" Marrissa said. CROW: [as Patterson] Alright, but I have to do my laundry, clean the bridge, and play a game of chess first. Did I mention my taxes? > > "Patterson to Bridge." Supra's voice came out over the intercom, startling >the commanding officer. TOM: Whoever was in command. Anne-Lise forgot... > "This is the Bridge, go ahead." > "I have a problem getting a transporter lock, I can only get a partial lock >on seven of the nine life forms, with a possible eighth." CROW: Wow. They can beam aboard parts of eight people. MIKE: C'mon Crow, we're almost done. Come back from the darkness. > "We're running out of time. Attempt to beam aboard all that you can." TOM: [as Patterson, sarcastic] Thanks sir, wouldn't have known to do that without you telling me, *sir*! CROW: That's why *he's* the boss... right under Marrissa. > Patterson activated the transporter controls, and glanced nervously at the >pads. Seven forms materialised, and she was glad to see that Clara and Jay >were among them. Then she noticed that Marrissa wasn't. MIKE: Then she went from glad to delirious with glee. CROW: I always thought Patterson was a guy... MIKE: It's hard to tell with Ratliff's alleged continuity. > Feverishly, she >worked at the controls, but it was no good. The other two patterns were >shifting too rapidly to get even a partial lock. She looked up into Jays >eyes, and replied to his silent question with a shake of her head. TOM: Even Anne-Lise is getting tired of the dialogue! > > The Enterprise under the guidance of Captain Riker and the Kul'pla under >the Captainship of Jay Gordan maneuvered into position on either side of of >the Nexus. At a signal from the Enterprise, the cloaking device on the >Kul'pla partially activated, blurring the ship. The Enterprise too was only >partially visible through its metaphasic shielding. Between the two vessels, >the Nexus thrashed about like a caged beast. Slowly, the two vessels edged >towards the Benecian sun. The hearts of the Captains on both ships were >heavy, knowing that by this action they were consigning a mutual friend to >death. MIKE: They were going to miss having an extra Guinan around... > > Marissa stood on the bridge of the Enterprise, and ordered Alexander to >score 'I lost to a bunch of kids' onto the Cardassian vessel. Marrissa >internally basked in a moment of triumph. She had almost single-handedly >stopped a threat to the Federation, however slim, and now she was on a >personal high. The viewscreen changed from showing Alexander's Calligraphic >handwriting and flickered into the form of a Cardassian. It was at this >moment when Marrissa's world exploded. CROW: Thus ending the Ratliff clip show. ALL: [cheer] > > The Nexus, trapped between the subspace fields generated by the Enterprise >and the Kor'pla, plunged into the star's corona. > "Transfer complete." informed Lieutenant Supra from the transporter room, a >scant few seconds before the Kul'pla exploded. Riker merely nodded in >response. TOM: Wait, where is Supra? It said earlier that he-slash-she was on the Enterprise, but then he-slash-she beamed up Jay, and he was on the Klingon ship with the changing name that just blew up. MIKE: Hold together, Tom, ol' buddy! Make us proud of you! > "How are the shields holding up?" he enquired. > "Shields at sixty percent and holding." stated Data, calm as usual. > "Okay then, take us out." As the Enterprise banked upwards and headed out >of the Corona, only Deanna caught the tear in Riker's eye. CROW: [making a ripping sound, then as Riker] AAAARRRGGGHHH!!! My eye!! TOM: You think Deanna would be happy with not being in this fanfic much. MIKE: Suddenly, we're back in "Star Trek: Episode 666"! ALL: [shudder] CROW: Oh wait, that's "tear" as in he's crying! > "Jay, you have the bridge." Riker headed into the ready room. MIKE: Are you sure that's a good move? Remember what happened to the last bridge he had... > > Bloodleblip. CROW: Hey! Not in the ready room either! > "Come!" called out Riker, just settling into the Captain's chair." Deanna >stepped into the room. > "Will, I've known you..." CROW: Biblically? MIKE: Ordinarily, I'd chastise you, but Marrissa's dead, so... TOM: C'mon, Mike, you know it's not going to last! MIKE: Servo, if you were human, you'd know that we need to clutch to dreams to survive sometimes. > Riker cut her off with a wave of his hand. > "I know, Deanna. Marrissa deserved a lot more than that, but what else >could I have done? I had no choice. The good of the many..." CROW: [as Riker] ...is served with Marrissa dying. > "Far outweigh the good of the few." Deanna continued. "Yes, I don't blame >you for your course of action, and neither will anybody else. Not even >Jean-Luc. Yes, I can tell that is what's bothering you. You feel that you've >betrayed his trust. But as you say, what else could you have done?" TOM: Killed her sooner. > Riker sighed, annoyed at himself. Feelings of guilt pervaded him, gripping >him in a mental fugue. Stop it, he thought. You're a starfleet officer. Do >your duty. MIKE: [as Riker] What is my duty? Bag Deanna? That's what I usually do at times like this... > "Deanna, I leave it to you to prepare the eulogy." he said. > > "She was not a woman you could forget." Riker's last words were still >echoing in Clara's mind as she sat on the bed in her quarters. The door >chimed. CROW: He had to leave it to Ms. Sensitive to come up with something nice to say about Marrissa. > "Enter." she called, sitting upright. Jay entered the room, a somber >expression on his face. Clara relaxed again. TOM: [as Jay] Um... Clara... now that Marrissa's gone, I was wondering... > "I should have been there, with her, in the Nexus." he declared. > "Then you would be dead too." stated Clara, logical as always. MIKE: [as Clara] Then *I'd* be in command! NYAHAHAHA!!! > "I'll always regret not being with her" Jay said, vaguely. > "She died in the line of duty. Its the way she'd have wanted it." Clara >scowled at the cliched sound of her voice. "There's nothing any of us could >have done. Will you join me in a drink?" CROW: Ah, they're going to use that "Pool of Lipton Tea" program in the holodeck. > Jay nodded, and walked over to the replicator. He ordered two drinks and >came back with the glasses, passing one to Clara. She took it from him, and >saw his expression. TOM: [as Jay]: AAARRRGGHH!!!!! Strawberry juice!!!! MIKE: [as Clara]: Computer, remove any program mentioning the word "strawberry" from the replicator files. > "You were more deeply in love with her than you thought, weren't you?" > Jay gave a barely perceptible nod. "Yes, I realised too late." > Clara held up her glass. "To Marrissa, a good Captain and friend" > "Yes." said Jay. "A good friend." CROW: ... but a horrible lead character for a series of bad fanfics. > > The Nexus died. In every known continuum, the rippling band of energy was >fading out of existence. Inside, Marrissa screamed as she was caught within >the maelstrom of power, buffetted on all sides. TOM: Now she knows how the rest of the Kids Crew felt. > "Home!" she cried, willing only to be free of the Nexus's grip. The Nexus, >existing in all dimensions and time frames, released her as per her wishes, >its last act before dying. MIKE: So she either asphyxiated in space, or burned up in a star. > > As the Nexus began to fade, Guinan stared into the raging heart of a star. >Myriad colours played about her eyes as the ribbon of energy flailed about. >Her last thoughts were of her impending freedom, and strangely she smiled as >she was willingly consumed by the Sun's heat. TOM: Should we be seeing this? > > Marrissa blinked as the kaleidoscope of colour cleared from her vision. >Pastoral fields stretched out before her, and the sky was a perfect blue. >The single, yellow orb of the Earth's sun was just reaching its zenith. >Laughing, Marrissa walked towards a rocky outcropping and peered over the >edge. Immediately she sobered. MIKE: She was beginning to get strawberry DTs. > Below her, down the hillside she was standing >on, a group of neanderthals, wielding knives and spears, ran in a group >chasing after a creature she identified as something approximating a horse. >She gasped, realising that she was stranded on Earth thousands of years >before she was even born. ALL: [hum Gilligan's Island theme song] > "My dear Amber, there's no need to despair." With a start, Marrissa turned >around at the sound of a voice behind her. With a sob of relief, she hugged >the newcomer. CROW: [as Marrissa] That is Marrissa Amber Flores Picard! Never forget! TOM: Newcomer? It's a Marrissa-Alien Nation crossover! MIKE: Wait, it's not capitalized... then again, this is in Ratliff continuity... > "Well!" said Q, draping an arm over her shoulder. "After all our >stimulating chats, I couldn't just let you stay here. Think of the waste!" CROW: [as Q] I do want Jean Luc to suffer, you know... > Marrissa's smile mirrored Q's own, as they both disappeared in a bright >flash of white light. TOM: Too bad it's not like the ending flash of light in "Star Trek: The Motion Picture". MIKE: You mean where they're never seen again? TOM: Exactly! CROW: But I like Q! > > >THE END. > TOM: We made it! MIKE: Let's go, guys... (1...2...3...4...5...6...SOL Control Room) CROW: Well, it wasn't quite Ratliff, but it was bad... GYPSY: Alright boys, it's time to get funky! MIKE: Gypsy, never use the word "funky" again. (Condition Yellow lights up. Gypsy zooms off to the bridge with the others following.) MIKE: Gypsy, give me Rocket #9! (The Hexfield lights up, showing the Nexus.) TOM: (as Spock) Captain, sensors show that the phenomenon is on a direct course for... (normal voice) I don't believe it! CROW: Let me see! Wow! It's going straight for Deep 13! [D13] FORRESTER: What the --?! AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! [Not D13, but still obviously low budget] FRANK: I'll be good, Clay-- I mean, Dr. Forrester! FORRESTER: Frank, what are you doing here? GUINAN: I don't know you... you're new... FORRESTER: Where is this? Why is Frank here? Is that Dr. Eckhardt over there? Wait a minute... Mommy, is that you? GUINAN: None of this is real... here... (Co-conspirator mads disappear leaving Guinan and Forrester under attack by the Borg) GUINAN: I watch this every day to stay sane... FORRESTER: Got any popcorn? GUINAN: Wait! This isn't supposed to be entertaining! Let's try this... (Planet disappears as what we see as obvious split screen technology produces many, many Mikes, Crows and Tom Servos.) MMs, Cs & TSs: Ah-ha-ha-ha! Staying alive... staying alive... FORRESTER: NOOOO!!!! Make it stop! GUINAN: It's for your own good! FORRESTER: No!!!! I want to go home!!!! I want to push the button!!!! -- POOF! -- Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and [c] 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserbed. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. This article is not, nor should be treated as, a personal attack on Ms. Pasch, Stephen Ratliff, or Romulans. >For her, time had no meaning. All time was one time, and the weighty >depression of that fact was enough to suffuse her contentment with the >clouds of despair. A tear escaped the confines of one eye, and she looked >away towards the ground, crushed by her need to help and her inability to >render assistance.